Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Therapy recently has been very tough.Really digging at some old painful issues.
My T suggessted that possibly my recurring nightmares have a common theme.That, being I find it very difficult to trust,open up and count on people.He's right on the money.
I also had this brainwave that maybe if I open up and I mean really tell all my secrets then these nightmares will subside.
My mistake.
I told my husband everything last night.....it was sooo difficult.
These were his replies to the conversation.
1-If you ever kill yourself I will never forgive you.
2-your wasting your life being tortured,you could be living it instead.
3-I think your still hiding stuff from me
4 I think your dad sexually abused you and you dont remember
5-life is what you make it.
Yep now I remember why I dont disclose.....my mistake.
Im sadder now than before I opened up.
What a joke....Im such a joke.
My T suggessted that possibly my recurring nightmares have a common theme.That, being I find it very difficult to trust,open up and count on people.He's right on the money.
I also had this brainwave that maybe if I open up and I mean really tell all my secrets then these nightmares will subside.
My mistake.
I told my husband everything last night.....it was sooo difficult.
These were his replies to the conversation.
1-If you ever kill yourself I will never forgive you.
2-your wasting your life being tortured,you could be living it instead.
3-I think your still hiding stuff from me
4 I think your dad sexually abused you and you dont remember
5-life is what you make it.
Yep now I remember why I dont disclose.....my mistake.
Im sadder now than before I opened up.
What a joke....Im such a joke.
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I made him promise not to tell anyone and he did.
But now I have this hole in my stomach....like a "shame" feeling for telling him.
AGGGHH
And who's to say that your husband is 100% mentally healthy?
a little defense for you,ya think?
I havent told Pdoc or T the gorry details of my past or present because I think they will send me to a hospital.
My brother was in a psych hopital from the age of 13 on and off for years.This absolutly TERRIFIED me hense my lack of disclosure and trust.
Outside of the one about your dad, there's a lot of truth in what he said and is pretty typical of the things people tend to say, in that sort of situation. And if that's what he believes about your dad, then that is what he believes, at least for this moment.
It's often helpful to keep in mind that even when something that someone says is very hurtful and feels like it's a cruel shot, that it's not necessarily meant to be.
I've had a lot of therapy over the years, much of it very helpful and one of the things I have learned is that when you finally reach a 'breakthrough' and voice the things you feared voicing, that things then get a little worse before they get better. And NOW is the time that you should really keep at it, if you want it to get better.
If what you want is for the other person to just listen and to do nothing more than offer words of comfort, then it is best to state that right up front and to ask them if they are willing to do that.
I really think that you should talk to your husband again, very soon. This time, about how the last talk affected you. And ask if he can just listen.
But this time will be much harder for him to keep quiet about than it would have the last time, had he been asked to, because he most likely did NOT mean the things he said last time in the way that you took them and will therefore feel he's being unjustly attacked and will want to defend himself.
If you think about your last talk with him and decide that he perhaps WASN'T being mean or thoughtless, then you would be wise to preface your next talk with him by first acknowledging that, but that at the time, that's what it felt like to you. He'll be able to listen much better if he feels that you realize that he's trying to help, which he probably was.
If you stop trying to be open with him now, then things are even worse off than they were, because now this hurt has thrown up an even bigger wall between you. And it is so worth knocking that wall down.
The breach of trust is a very big thing and is touching you on your trust issue.
If you can't or won't talk about the things that bother you now, at least be open about that. Tell everyone -- husband, therapist, Pdoc -- that you are too afraid to open up right now. That you don't trust them enough to do it.
You'll get much further in your therapy if you can completely open up in there, and it's quite likely that the therapist realizes that you are not, as that is a very common thing that they deal with and they are trained to know it when they see it. Try to stick with it. With time, you may be able to build up enough trust to open up and then deal with everything.
It's the only way, short of a miracle, that you will be able to heal all the pain that you carry.
Or at least, that's how it was, for me.
The best of luck to you!!! I am sorry that now you feel even worse than you already did, and I hope the day comes when you will be from all the 'crap' stuff!!!
Take care!!!!
As I mentioned before I seen my brother ripped from our family to a psych hosp,I just couldnt handle that.