When I am really low I get thoughts of suicide too. I researched how many of a certain pill I would need to die and had more than that amount sitting right here on the table beside me. Then I realized - I don't want to die. I'd like to sleep for a very long time until this has passed - but I don't want to die.

So I removed the drugs on my table because I knew that for me to kill myself, it would happen on a spur of the moment decision while I was really low.

I think for me the best thing was to remove temptation. I know when you're reallllllly low it's hard to motivate yourself but if you can get out of the house for a walk, go to the shops, see a friend or ANYTHING. A walk is good if you can get yourself to do that. I rely on my partner alot to get me moving and away form these thoughts.

I hope you don't run. I doubt it's ever fixed anything in the future. So maybe find another way now. Do you have a Pdoc? Are you on meds?
If you are suicidal or homocidal, I'd hope you could go to the hospital or at least get a hold of your Dr.
I could suggest going for a walk, taking a shower, watching a movie...which might get you through for a bit. But, ultimately, get medical help. Glad you are reaching out.

OMG! I went through this for about 2 weeks not too long ago...had REALLY bizarre thoughts...it was VERY disturbing. Like you, I didn't really want to DO these things but I felt VERY impulsive and was worried I would act on the thoughts because of the impulsivity. I was actually in more of a manic state vs. depression. It was very strange.

My pdoc started me on Zyprexa and it is helping. I keep hearing about weight gain with this drug but I'm going to do what I can to prevent that.

If you have a pdoc I would call them.

Lately I've been thinking more and more about taking off...my anxiety is building cuz I know I'm going to have to go back to work sometime soon and I just don't think I can.

Can you have someone hold your meds and just dole them out as you need them? Just incase?

Please let us know how you're doing.

I get really self didtructive and have disturbing thoughts like you mentioned at the peak of my hypomania.This is usually when I self harm/drink.
My pdoc tells me its part of the bp.....says Ill probably always have these experiences.
I ofen feel like running away too,and Im 40.Again,part of the hypomania.

I agree, check with your doc. They will know the right questions. Be aware of whether you might have started or increased your use of caffiene or alcohol or even hay fever meds when you talk to him/her.
By all means if you feel serious about taking your thoughts to the next step, call 911, go to ER or call crisis hotline etc ...

I forgot to mention, I do get these thoughts from time to time and have learned to find a cause like those i mentioned above, more or added stress in my life, a move or job change, a change in relationship or a death in my family.
Good question, keep us posted with what you find.

I have had these same thoughts. Even with dreams of me killing people or cutting people. It is quite disturbing because I am a very peaceful person. I had these thoughts recently and during a depressive stage, which I am still in. But they seem to be going away.

I have suffered from intrusive "bad" thoughts for years... like slamming the car hood on someone's head, poking an animal in the eye, and stabbing myself with a knife. There is a really good book called "The Imp of the Mind," which helped me a lot. It addresses these "bad" thoughts. Also, drugs like Zyprexa, Seroquel and Prozac really helped when added to my main mood stabilizer.

I get these types of thoughts too. i also get really restless and uneasy. it is so awful when i am in a mixed state. i give my drugs to my sister and have her dole me out only two days at a time because i dont trust myself

I too want to run away sometimes. I just feel like if I could change my surroundings and get to a place where no one knows me, then, for a short while, I could be "normal". Try to talk to someone. It usually helps me to vent, cry, scream, or break down...then I'll be ok again until tha next episode. GOOD LUCK and Keep pushing.

I too want to run away sometimes. I just feel like if I could change my surroundings and get to a place where no one knows me, then, for a short while, I could be "normal". Try to talk to someone. It usually helps me to vent, cry, scream, or break down...then I'll be ok again until tha next episode. GOOD LUCK and Keep pushing.