You do deserve to be treated better than what you're describing. You owe it to yourself to respect yourself enough to no longer allow him to play these games with you and treat you so cruely.

The problem is that all of that is much easier said than done.

I definitely feel your pain, I guess from long ago, because I found myself crying at the end of the post.

I'm sorry.

Take care of yourself and feel better soon.

I agree with jenmcd, I would leave him for good, the longer you stay the worse it gets and it became more and more difficult to leave the person later. This situation is not making you happy, you will be unhappy without him, but if you stay you will be unhappy worse and for a longer period of time. You will find someone that is worth. I hope you feel better, I really do

bump

" ...All I want is a companion and to not be alone anymore. but I guess I'm just meant to be alone cause every (person) that I ever have cared for, trusted or let myself get close to always hurts me."

I, along with others, feel the same way. And we meet people along the path that we think are right, and never leave it up to matters of the heart. We think about with our head.

My experience with this in the past has been HORRIBLE. I am JUST starting to learn to think with my heart instead. I think I mean I am listening to my spirit, and not the bullshit the world feeds me, but it is so hard to hear, when we live in a storm all the time.

I once had a psych tell me that most people go through 50 to 70 "dates" before they find one to be comfortable with...

I told her I'd be 70 before i got that far....lol

This is going to sound SOOOO corny, but listen to your inside... not the noise in your head.

Thanks for your replies! I know your all right but it still hurts so bad. I tried to go to sleep but I can't, I just toss and turn and have racing thoughts about him. This sucks so fuckin bad! I'm going to be even more depressed tomorrow since I will be so tired. My mind is racing with thoughts of him of us, of her. one minute I'm mad one minute Im sad and one minute I just want him back. I have never gotten so close to a guy before. He's only person I talk to very much. Its only been hours and I feel so lonely and miss him. I'm so hurt but I don't know if I can go without at least being friends and yet I dont know if I could be only friends. And besides what kind of a friend plays head games with ya.

I thought I was listening to my heart because something told me that he was different. I didnt see him because he was good looking because he wasn't infact the first time we met I almost didnt see him again because I thought he was ugly. But we continued to chat everyday online for hours and hours every night and I grew to care for him deeply. I went from saying that I would never allow myself to be seen with him to wanting to go places with him. I saw him in a completely different way. It would be as hard but up until just over a week ago we texted or talked during the day and chatted almost everynight for the last 5 months. I have thought of him as my best friend up till now. I wanted so much to believe it when he tried to say she was just a friend but something told me it was more. I thought it was just my fear of being hurt or jealocy. Even as I type this I wish in the back of my head that it was true. But if she was just a friend than he would have us meet. And he hasn't. I dont even know if she knows about me.

1. Kick him in DA NUTZ!
2. Learn to love yourself more.
3. Kick him in DA NUTZ again!

I am so sorry.

Hugs (((Joslyn))). I have had a few too many negative experiences also and kept thinking it was somehow my fault for "choosing" this type person. While that may play into it somehow, the larger truth is they are predators.

They see kindness and love in someone who wants so much to be loved back and the next thing you know, BOOM, your heart is shattered again.

I have just gone through a very difficult break up. The relationship lasted 5 years although it was long distance...it is still very painful to me.

I think the bottom line for me is I will not accept crumbs again...they start out paying lots of attention to us and then slowly, but surely, begin leaving a crumb trail for us to follow.

I know this sounds cynical, but it is how I feel.

There are some good men out there. Sadly, most of them are married or taken.

You are in my thoughts as you heal. I know how badly it hurts. I "shut down" for 7 years before I got involved again and wasted 5 years with a man who I thought loved me but didn't.

I have some good memories too, but there were definitely some huge red flags I overlooked because I was already in love with him.

I am going to try to learn to better recognize the red flags and end the relationship immediately instead of getting sucked in and having the life sucked right out of me.

Peace be with you.

I'm really sorry this has happened to you.

I agree with the others, if you end it, it will hurt for a while.

If you don't, it will hurt forever until you finally give up.

Re the last part, this might seem really cruel to say now, but..have a look at the guys you are choosing, perhaps something that is attracting you to them is also the reason it isn't working out? I'm not blaming it on you in any way and don't think about it now, but perhaps in the future consider it?

"I wanted to believe it so bad."

i hate to admit, i have so been there, and felt like such a sucker punch after punch.

it was a loooong lesson to learn, but that was the first step...bringing the denial out in the open...so, GOOD FOR YOU...first step accomplished...!!

i think things come for you once you are ready...i wasn't ready for my huz a minute before i met him...i would never have appreciated him because i didn't know what i really wanted and needed prior to that minute in time because i was hanging on to losers like the one you're describing.

but.

one day, once i had come out of my denial and realized them for the lyin' cheatin' fools that they were, i decided that i would and could not be walked all over like that anymore. ever again.

that was the second step.

and THAT DAY i showed up at the door of the loser i was currently dating and told him that his divided attentions and smoke and mirrors were not enough for me and that i was done.

he was surprised, but he did not try to woo me back with 'but i love you' lines like before when i'd left in the heat of anger...he just let me go and it felt dmn good, actually.

and that was the third and final step.

and then my huz came along not long after...so...i guess what i'm saying is...

maybe you get what you ask for...subconsciously...in a weird way...

and maybe it's time to change up your dinner order a bit, so to speak...

but in the meantime, my heart goes out to your heartbreak...

and the bitch in me says: ditch that loser. he is in the way of you and your REAL man.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, sL

p.s. let's be clear that we are not talking about being married to someone for fifteen, twenty years and growing apart and then while feeling totally disconnected somebody makes a mistake and then you have to decide whether to forgive them and whether you want to try and work things out and be close again...we are talking about someone who is sniffing around other people practically right out of the gate...that kind of person can't possibly be any kind of good for you (unless that's your style as well) in the short term OR the long term...so...welllll...looks like SUPER said it best...xxxxxx, sL

Been there done that,I feel your pain and hope you leave him because he is lying to you and cheating..........that is just plain old wrong and if he came clean and begged maybe play his ass and hurt him , sorry I just went through the same thing and it really hurts and is not funny. Male or female players are players and it would be nice if they went through the same thing they do to others. I was an asshole to women at one time and then I got paid back in full ,I deserved it and now I treat people the way I want to be treated.

Thank you for the replies and I know you are right. I am so mad at myself for allowing him to use me and hurt me. I basically asked for it. Its pretty sad when your so lonely and needy that you accept having someone hurt, play game with and use you. And tell yourself they are good for you LMAO!

I almost did something really stupid earlier. I drove by his place and I was going to stop and walk up to the door and tell him I needed my birthcontrol that I left there. I wanted her to know that he's playing her too! But I stopped myself because I would of just made an ass out of myself by doing that.
I hate going throught this kind of hurt.. it hurts my self esteem also and it already not so great. I am going from crying to being angry and wanting to alsh out at him. I feel like such a psycho bitch! My eyes feel so swollen from crying and I'm feeling tired but I'm afraid if I go to sleep now that I wont sleep again tonight. I only got about 4 hours last night. I'm tempted to get some over the counter sleeping pills and when I go wake to up Ill take a few more so I can be numb nnd sleep for a few days off. I hate being a psycho bitch! I hate all the feelings that Im feeling! I hate the hurt, I hate the anger, I even hate more that part of me is tempted to just over fucking look all this and still talk to the bastard! I pray that I will be strong and walk away! This is no good for me to allow someone to treat me this way! It bullshit! I'm such a stupid loser.
I got hurt so bad by my ex and the guy after him that I so I didn't see anyone for 13 years! And I gave it a try and look what happens! I guess I'm just meant to be alone. I wish I had friend to do things with but the ones that I have are out of town or too wrapped up in their families to have time for me. I wish I had an appt with my counselor this week but she was all booked up.
I know that I will look back on this and almost laugh someday but its getting to that point thats going to be soo damn tough. Its suppose to be a beautiful weekend out and I have no desire to go out let alone eat. The not eating part can be benefical except that it will turn into me wanting to eat everthing in sight to drown my sorrows. Pretty bad when you have to get your pleasure out of eating food instead of having good sex. I would rather the sex but thats a joke now!

My sister who knows everything anf d says that she prays to God and she listen to what hesays tells me that I might never have a husband or boyfriend again bec He has other plans forme.

I jst told her today that I met a man named Jack who blows leaves off of parking lots, been div twice lives withhis mother in Redmond and is ina 12 step program for drugs and alcohol but had accepted Jesus Christ 3 months ago so I knew he was special and I had invited himto my apt for dinner tonight. She came UNGLUED. I ung up on her. How does she know? I might have God running thru my vveins too just like she does...lol

Joslyn,
I dont know you well, but I have noticed how kind your responses are to everyone here. You are clearly a caring, intelligent, classy woman. And, if your avitar is a pic of you, you are beautiful inside and out.
It hurts so much when you think you have found someone special, only to realize that perhaps you are not as special to them. That is not your fault, it is stupidity, probably immaturity, and selfishness on HIS part.
I certainly have been in your shoes before. I have found it took me getting good and angry about someone daring to use me and not treat me as well as I deserved, including getting angry with myself for letting them, for me to move on.
As searchlight said, this guy was nearly from the beginning not invested in a committed relationship. He doesnt sound like relationship material to me. So the other girl *Wins* the prize... lucky her. NOT!
However BrianWilson, tryin2live and Super sound like relationship candidates. And you know what, we women keep going for the bad boys...
Give a nice guy a chance next time.
Do something nice for yourself this weekend... be good to yourself!