The following has indirectly affected me in ways I can't explain. Psychologically its torn me inside.

I'm beginning to connect some comments my godson made in the last 2 years, which kind of hurt me at the time. He's now 13. I was hoping to be a mentor in his life but every once in a while some things he said would floor me: "No offense, but my parents just want to be cautious."

I'm not giving you all the context so it seems kind of shady but it would require a book to document all the feelings I felt at that time and subsequently there after. Perhaps his sister colored his views, warning him to be cautious. I've avoided getting too close emotionally because what he said would hurt me.

I'm an only child and am growing older and making up for the times I was without a sibling. Plus, I feel my biological clock is ticking -I'm single and no family. So, it was a way of filling a void. Plus, I take being a godmother seriously. If I can be a spiritual influence in his life in a world that is violent and chaotic, maybe he won't grow up to be one of those kids that ends up shooting others at school, at work, or shooting police officers randomly in the streets....

This year I found out his sister (now 17) was molested by someone I knew. It turns out that this was going on since she was 12!...I distanced myself from her too, for other reasons because I knew she was growing to be a teenager & I realized she wouldn't need me around anyway. It's that age where adults are against them in their minds....

But there have been times I wonder...Has she left things behind on purpose to speak up about things? We once had a connection with music. I'd teach her a few chords. She brought her own pick but left it. She left another object behind as well....Perhaps knowing what happened to her, she got scared of getting too close though I would never imagine hurting her at all, especially in the way she suffered. I suffered not as much by the same person, but I thought I was imagining it. I was 15 and though it might not be as traumatic as rape, I can't and hope never to imagine the after effects. I cry at how I too was almost a victim, but even that slight episode makes me cringe....and I cry sometimes when I talk about it.

Every now and then I reflect back at family gatherings and remember my godson's sister taking a picture with me at a wedding. She was 16 by then. She held my hand and squeezed it hard...was she trying to tell me something?....Then just recently, at a cousin's birthday party, she saw me again, with smiles always, and always seeks me for a hug. As I left the party, she called out my name saying WAIT...we hugged, again...but she pulled me in closer for a second hug...was she trying to tell me something?....

Did I miss the signs?...Is she seeking help?...

As far as the opposing party's family, there appears to be denial. They are in gross division now. Ironic how I use to envy this large family. How do I know she wasn't hurt either?...What are the signs in general after a trauma like above?...God, it is so ironic, this life we live. Facades of happy faces carrying invisible crosses of different magnitudes.

Please help me understand...Maybe I can help these people heal a hurt that I myself was blessed not to experience fully, but can still empathize nevertheless. Perhaps my limited experience is a gateway to understanding something more...

Thank you and God bless.