i am a virgo and an obsessive neat-freak, so i can definitely relate to this post. when my moods are in the lower end of the spectrum, or even just when my life is busy or over-stressed for a time, i find i can get behind and my apartment can get cluttered and sloppy. it can be really frustrating for those of us who pride ourselves on our cleanliness and organization. one thing i learned is that being hard on yourself for getting behind in your tasks simply stresses you out more and can sap your energy, and make it more difficult to get caught up. my suggestion is to go easy on yourself. take a day that you concentrate merely on forgiving yourself for not being perfect and letting things slip a bit. accept that it happens sometimes, and hopefully the peace of mind that you may find from this acceptance will give you the bump you need to be able to get back into your normal routine. we all tend to get very hard on ourselves, so try to love yourself the way you would hope a best friend would, and not be so judgmental of your own imperfections :) i hope this helps!

It helps to bring tears to my eyes that someone is listening to me.

I am so embarrassed, but not so embarrassed to not do anything about it. I just don't have anyone over anymore. This is not the way i am used to living, but i am living this way. Rather, getting by this way.

Two weeks ago doing five dishes, instead of none, was an accomplishment. Now i just feel so very overwhelmed. Especially with needing to get weather-related tasks done before it gets too cold. I am sad. Thak you, "starving," for replying.

we have all been where you are in feeling overwhelmed, so i won't tell you to cheer up or try to talk you out of it...all i will say is hang in there, and we are always here when you need to talk. you are not alone :)

This will probably just make you think I am nasty, but I've lived that way for a year. My mother was a pack rat, her mother, and u get the idea. We are "keepers". I keep newspaper clippings, started collecting for a scrapbook 8 years ago that still hasn't been created, ink pens (I have over 2,000 and maybe more), movie stubs, ticket stubs from events, napkins from weddings, nail polish, lip glosses, hair products rose pedals, letters, I can keep going but I think you get it. The point is, my stuff is EVERYWHERE. No one can come in. I have to wear shoes in my house at all times (except in bed), the sink leaks, there is a washing machine in the middle of my living room floor...I am seeking asssistance for housing or at least help with it so I can move to my own place and start over. (this is not my house, it's my bf's and he's just as messy as me).

Before I started rambling, I was trying to say that I feel your pain and it kills me to wake up to the mess every morning. I think it drains me beyond my strength.

Good luck. The bright side is you could hire a maid. I'm gonna have to demolish and re-build...lol.

I too was a neat person before I got sick and when I was actually working full-time. Since I've been sick and working part-time, my home cleaniliness has suffered. It's not filthy but its cluttered and I feel I am at the same place you are at times. I really believe it goes with the illness. My pdoc tells me that there are days I will just want to sleep away and I do that sometimes. I then feel guilty that I should of been cleaning up. My husband is very understanding and when things get too out of hand he pitches in to get me started. Its a two way street but he is very neat. At least he doesn't get on my case about it but he does know that I wasn't like this before I got sick.

Oh I wish I had advice...I really really do. I could use it myself. Does it help that you're not alone? I too am a neat freak who thrives in an environment where everything has it's place and it stays there but live in what can only be described when I'm thinking positively as a dump. I do everything in halves. Laundry is half done and dressers should be considered unnecessary furniture in our house as clothes only make it in there half of the time. I have to tell my husband when to look in the closet for the towels otherwise he'd have no idea :). When everyone looks for something here it never occurs to us to actually look in the place where it belongs first because that would be the last place we would imagine it to be. We have mail dated from a year ago in the bill organizer. I've had some weeks where there were still a few bags of unpacked groceries left when I went to the store for the next weeks. We'd probably be eating with paper plates and plastic cutlery if my sweet mominlaw hadn't given me a dishwasher for mothers day seven years ago. It seems like everytime I get a little done more piles on. Now that the depression is gone I keep hoping for a handle on all this. Does that help a little to know you're not alone? It is embarrassing...it freaks me out when anyone hints about coming over. I'll come over and help you put away your groceries if you come help me with mine :).

Yeah, it helps a lot to know there are others in my same boat.

Yesterday I visualized myself joyously gettin gout of bed to complete yard work task, tasks that i find joyful, and attempting to get out the ladder to get this weatherstripping stuff on my windows and here it is, mid-afternoon, and I have not gotten outside, not even out of my pajamas, to get started.

I did sit in the sun for a few minutes and i have eaten and i did have a cup of chamomile tea and i just took a 15 minute sleeper, but i did not get out to do what i had thought i woul dhave the desire and energy to do.

Now i have just made a small cup of coffee - BAD FOR ME - to facilitate the energy i need to get outside and i may not drink the coffe, but i have to get in the shower to clean myself. Bird BAths only last so long, you know?
Ug.

I am also a Virgo like starvinga...maybe its a virgo thing ?? but know this YOU ARE NOT ALONE many many other people out there struggle with this same issue and you dont have to be BP or depressed either. Our lives get busy...we all get overwhelmed with life...I too go thru this and have for many years now and it all started when my bf and I broke up...I dont know why...but just know that there are others out there...you are not a freak or weird....just some people deal with getting overwhelmed better than others and I really think that is the bottom line.
2Sweet

Even deeply depressed or wildly manic I always kept an orderly apartment. My ex was a pack rat and just plain messy though.

I am so ashamed of my house. Everthing has gone to Hell. There is mess everywhere. It's not a dirty pigsty, but it IS a pigsty. And this is NOT the way I used to live.
It has gotten so out of hand, that I find it totally overwhelming. Where to even start?
I try, with some -- though limited - success, to end each day with the house a little bit better than it was the day before. Even if it's something as minor as just having one book put away.
I wouldn't let anyone step foot inside my door.
My son's caseworkers come every three months. So every three months, I HAVE to at least make the living room look passable.
This is done by picking up all the heaps of things and putting them into another room with the door shut.
I hate being this way!!!!!

Some people have more overwhelming them than others as well, have to take on more than average so keep your chin up...you're still moving even if it's not as fast as you'd like. I like to tell myself this and then I ignore me because I don't want to hear it. In my opinion if they didn't make pjs so comfortable I would be much quicker to get dressed in the morning or afternoon or evening or to not just skip it all and put on new ones.

It just seems like, "If it's not one thing, it's another."

I am an over-achiever and this bp just has put a wrench, it seems, in achieving what i used to think was important.

At least I ate. Right?

I am starting to cry and spiral into a tizzy.

I am safe.
I have a roof over my head.
tears.
I have clothes on my body.
I have a bed.
I have food.
I have people to talk to now that i have found DS.
I have my breath.
I have ten fingers.

I mean, if i had a cast on my leg then it would be more understandable that i have a hard time getting around. This is "just" my brain that is debilitating me.

Does that relate to anyone else? How do you cope?

I am listening but I cant offer hope Im not the best person for this. I struggle with the exact things you listed EVERYDAY and the sad thing is they usually get left behind. We had to do a mad cleaning spree and then not a finger has been lifted to maintain it excpt for taking the trash out and the cat boxes... it hasnt completely fallen apart my daughter is cleaning up her toys but one thing falls on the floor then anoughter... and no one picks it up and certainly not me. It is really bothering me more then it use to because we just cleaned but I jsut have the desire/energy to deal with it. It over whelms me to even pick up that reciept that hit the floor... and soon there are 10... If you find a way to gain strengh please tell me as I am in this nasty cycle myself