I've noticed a severe downward spike in my ability to remember things, people, and events over the past couple of years. My life has become increasingly difficult, and I've found myself in a situation with no family to lean on, very few worldly possessions (I've spent a great deal of this year just living out of my car...)

My focus is shot, and I feel somewhat narcissistic in the fact that what I seem to be able to focus on does revolve around me or my perspective on a subject. It's purely unintentional, I think, as I don't really want to be selfish. Most of what I do revolves around helping others out, almost as if I'm afraid to do anything distinctly for myself anymore and justify my existance through what I can accomplish for others.

I'm on medication, (Trileptal) but I don't have a PDoc at the moment and don't particularly see one in the near future.

Any tips or suggestions on improving basic, day-to-day memory and focus? Anyone else have issues with this?

I used to have a temper and anger management issues, and now I sit somewhere closer to the opposite extreme. By BPD has become more of a personal nuisence rather than something others complain about, thank God. I've adjusted to the fact that even if I can't control my moods, I won't let them control me either. However, that leaves my personality lacking enourmously...

I'm becoming a very boring person. I don't know if it's because I can't relax, or if I relax too much, or if it's just a natural byproduct of the aging process (I'm 24 going on 50 in life experiences, LOL.) When I was in the throes of moodiness, I was confident and assured even when I was wrong. I stood for something where as now, I don't really know where I stand on anything (if at all.)

Does any of this make sense? Maybe I'm just rambling thoughts, but I figured what the heck, maybe someone here can give me a little valuable insight.

~Sabby