I spend a lot of time trying to appear happy when Im not, responsible when i don't want to, try to impress when I have nothing to be impressive about, ambitious when I am unmotivated etc etc etc I am so tired of fighting!!!!!!!! I just want to be true to myself, but if I go with that I am not often a very "good", successful, admired person. Everyone wants to be around the successful, goal-oriented, fun, happy me. When they ask how I am that's what they want to hear, not what I really am. Lately I am more the depressed, unmotivated, negative person. Then they all say don't isolate when you are like that. Well, nobody wants to be around that all of the time(I don't blame them) but what am I supposed to do? I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone. I am just emotionally tired.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...