Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

6,426 Members
125,747 Posts
4 Online
Mental Health
/ Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Mask

wolfrkm18
wolfrkm18
I cannot keep this mask on forever. I guess this has been going on far too long. People don't know the truth about me. People see me as a saint. I am kind to people, I heal their wounded souls. Lots of people look up to me. But no one knows the truth behind the mask. People don't see what hatred and fear is behind the mask. I can only go so far before I collapse. Can fear cloud the judgment between right and wrong? I cannot pretend I am someone I am not. I have done a lifetime of wickedness in just this life alone. I cannot continue without endangering my life and the feelings of the ones I love. Now the question again;
Does the need of the many out weigh the need of the few? (Or the one)
OR
Does the need of the one out weigh the need of the many?
In other words, is it better to tell the ones that look up to you and live with there reaction, or to keep this mask on and to keep my life a secret even though I am about to collapse. With the knowledge of that they cannot help you.
I am living two lives, one is about to fail, and the one is about to be seen. I have lived a life where a lot of people know me as a quiet, nice person, but the side they have never seen is full of rage and hatred toward itself. Is it better for a person to be lost in time rather the family living with the consequence and feeling of grief along with a lot of people for one person? Either way, someone is going to be hurt. I dont want the wrong people to suffer of what I am.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think that if you are not currently seeing a psychiatrist, get to one as soon as possible. If you are seeing one, then you probably need to see him/her SOON.

The tone of your post is alarming to me. Get some help soon. Real soon.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think we all feel this way.It is somehow possible for us to hide the BP but at what cost? It only eats at us and kills our soul.Hang in there and try to think everything thru .No irrational actions,that only makes things worse.:)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I totally know how you feel. I have let it out and all I seem to be doing is hurting the ones I love. I now wish that I would of held it all in and just kept on wearing the mask. It is so hard.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You do not have the power to save or to destroy people.

Go get help and drop the mask. Everybody will live.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Please don't take this the wrong way ( there is some truth to this though) You're just not that friggin important as you think you are. It can really take some pressure off when we realize it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I also use to live like that, and I could take no more and I told all about the real me and the BP. I felt better once it was out in the open. But I also slowly lost some friend. You are who you are. There are still friend I knowwho know i have a mental illness, but no details.
I hope this has helped you in sime way.
All the best and good luck.
loving hugs
Bett
deleted_user
deleted_user
bump.
Shelly4
Shelly4
Sometimes when the "need" of the ONE is met and treated, the "need" of the many is met also. I do understand what you are saying about the mask we wear. Many of us do that. However, by not facing your demons you are actually hurting the many through your deceptive behavior. As you said one life is about to fail and you are about to collapse, what then? Knowledge is powerful so to be true to yourself you are true to those you love. If you are not seeing a pdoc, you need to see one right away. The crisis you are about to face will need the support of a pdoc to get you through and help others understand. I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
Reality is actually very nice. It is not worth the insanity you are experiencing to avoid medical treatment and live in false euphoria.
deleted_user
deleted_user
(in regards to your old post) I think the goal is try to remove the BP Mask, except maybe in work situations and in front of small children. It took me years to be "the bipolar me" but once I accepted I need to live WITH Bipolar instead of living AROUND it. It's not going away - there is no cure - so aim towards being who you are in every way, especially to those close to you but even to everyone you meet. What I say to myself is if they like me great and if they don't oh well there are plenty of caring people in this work but if I hold my mask up I may never meet them
deleted_user
deleted_user
First off, screw the psychiatrist. Having yourself drugged up and sedated does nothing but add another layer to the mask.

I have live the duality all of my life and spent most of it trying to find the answers for which you speak.

What I have found is that: I am both. I am both the kind caring soft spoken person who can help people out and the angry, hateful, spiteful person who is capable of unspeakable acts. It was not until I could accept and even embrace all of who I am that I could reconcile any of it.

I had to stop fighting and allow myself to be the whole person I was.
As long as I fought against myself that anger, that hatred continued to grow inside of me, continued to swell and try to push itself to the surface and too many times it has come out at very in-opportune times.

By recognizing and accepting that this is part of who you are, for what ever reason, you take away a lot of the power of that side of your personality. It can still be a struggle at times, there will be times when you will get angry and you will want to act on the rage that is inside of you, but you will find that if you accept the fact that you feel this way, not acting on these feeling becomes much easier.

The answers lay with-in yourself
jimgreg
jimgreg
we all wear the mask..your realy to hard on yourself friend..i also help others and feel vey good about it..and the point behind the mask is why we put it on..if your true beeper than you need to aceppt it all..
wolfrkm18
wolfrkm18
I like how your put that. If we are not areselves, we cannot meet our real friends that will help us and stick with us in the dificult times. Thanks for your imput on this old post.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GrassIsGreen

    acknowlodging

    Posted by: GrassIsGreen
    Last Reply: GrassIsGreen
    15
    I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
  • Barbel

    Curcumin / Lecithin

    Posted by: Barbel
    Last Reply: cgreens
    16
    Has anyone tried these supplements? Do they give MGers more quality of life by improving memory and overall well being?Thanks!Barbel