Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

wolfrkm18
I cannot keep this mask on forever. I guess this has been going on far too long. People don't know the truth about me. People see me as a saint. I am kind to people, I heal their wounded souls. Lots of people look up to me. But no one knows the truth behind the mask. People don't see what hatred and fear is behind the mask. I can only go so far before I collapse. Can fear cloud the judgment between right and wrong? I cannot pretend I am someone I am not. I have done a lifetime of wickedness in just this life alone. I cannot continue without endangering my life and the feelings of the ones I love. Now the question again;
Does the need of the many out weigh the need of the few? (Or the one)
OR
Does the need of the one out weigh the need of the many?
In other words, is it better to tell the ones that look up to you and live with there reaction, or to keep this mask on and to keep my life a secret even though I am about to collapse. With the knowledge of that they cannot help you.
I am living two lives, one is about to fail, and the one is about to be seen. I have lived a life where a lot of people know me as a quiet, nice person, but the side they have never seen is full of rage and hatred toward itself. Is it better for a person to be lost in time rather the family living with the consequence and feeling of grief along with a lot of people for one person? Either way, someone is going to be hurt. I dont want the wrong people to suffer of what I am.
Does the need of the many out weigh the need of the few? (Or the one)
OR
Does the need of the one out weigh the need of the many?
In other words, is it better to tell the ones that look up to you and live with there reaction, or to keep this mask on and to keep my life a secret even though I am about to collapse. With the knowledge of that they cannot help you.
I am living two lives, one is about to fail, and the one is about to be seen. I have lived a life where a lot of people know me as a quiet, nice person, but the side they have never seen is full of rage and hatred toward itself. Is it better for a person to be lost in time rather the family living with the consequence and feeling of grief along with a lot of people for one person? Either way, someone is going to be hurt. I dont want the wrong people to suffer of what I am.
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The tone of your post is alarming to me. Get some help soon. Real soon.
Go get help and drop the mask. Everybody will live.
I hope this has helped you in sime way.
All the best and good luck.
loving hugs
Bett
I have live the duality all of my life and spent most of it trying to find the answers for which you speak.
What I have found is that: I am both. I am both the kind caring soft spoken person who can help people out and the angry, hateful, spiteful person who is capable of unspeakable acts. It was not until I could accept and even embrace all of who I am that I could reconcile any of it.
I had to stop fighting and allow myself to be the whole person I was.
As long as I fought against myself that anger, that hatred continued to grow inside of me, continued to swell and try to push itself to the surface and too many times it has come out at very in-opportune times.
By recognizing and accepting that this is part of who you are, for what ever reason, you take away a lot of the power of that side of your personality. It can still be a struggle at times, there will be times when you will get angry and you will want to act on the rage that is inside of you, but you will find that if you accept the fact that you feel this way, not acting on these feeling becomes much easier.
The answers lay with-in yourself