so, i lost everything a few years ago...my husband left me, kicked me out actually..he wouldn't let me see my daughter alone...lost my home,my car, my bank account and credit cards, even my dog-who was a bday gift to me....i hit rock bottom could say..and this time it was for real...2 treatment centers and my ex in $150,000 debt & they both told him i was one of the ones who had to lose it all before i could decide if i wanted to survive or die...that pissed me off..but in the end they were right...complete & total loss let me see my reality...life or death...i gave him his divorce and signed away custody of our then 4 yr old daughter for one year...i see now that i could not have gotten better there..w/ him and a family trying to act normal...i had to do this alone as hard as it was..and it was pure hell...but in the end i belive i did the right thing..bc i finally made the decision..maybe my first real decision...to live and to do it for me...not for everyone else as i had been doing for years...i have my daughter back...i lost my first love..my husband...it was hard to let go but when i did it bc he said he needed it...then i was able to get closure...holding on for so long was exhausting and demeaning...i reluctantly let go...and let him move on..and i fell back...almost too far back again...then i met this great guy...he witnessed a few small bp episodes...was supportive...even bought books..jooined websites for advice..etc...great...but then i had several back to back almost really bad almost shall i say psychotic episodes...somehow i held onto him..how???no clue..the last one involved him calling the police on me...lucky for me the officer has a sister who is bp...he knew i was off my meds..sorry to ramble...but i have to give details...my concern is can i keep this guy have now...the past 2 months have been great..but i am always fearing what he calls the "polar bear"...bc it sneaks up and attacks me hard and hurts everyone i love..its awfull..bp sucks...
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