Does your pdoc think your ok?
try for SSDI. after you get it leave him bi polar is bad enough as it is. you take care of you....

Go back to your work and take the stress as best as you can. Then when you totally crash which will happen go back on disability.

Maybe you will get lucky and this time not work for a long time.

Talk to your doc about how you are feeling. This illness does crazy things to us.

leah, this is serious stuff and only u know how "well" u are. If u don't feel stable enough to work, apply for additional leave. I'm not clear from your post whether u are on Short term Dis. or Long term...if on short, apply for long term thru your employer, and while receiving income from them, apply for SSDI. If u need any help, message me. When i worked, it was my job to help people like us. I did my own paperwork for SSDI and was awarded within 11 months. Hope this helps, and here if u need me! hugs

I think disassociating to some degree is what we all do, atleast me. I mean I have BP, I am dealing with it. But I still am different from everyone else. My brain works differently. Even with the medicine, it suppresses cycles or certain feelings like anxiety, or saddness. However, this just leaves me with a sort of numbness. Add to that the fact I still and will look at the world through different glasses. I take things people say different, things that happen different, I retreat from situations others flock to and charge to other ones that people run away from.
I am I disassociating, Yes, But i am disassociated, I haven't chosen it. Job problems overwhelming, marriage issues same, insurance, SSI, all that other stuff the same. Can I deal YES and I am. Do I like it or look at it all through rose colored glasses. No mine are tinted very dark gray. I mean BP has the highest suicide rate of all, ALL mental illnesses 15-19% approx. Do I feel it not today not on meds. But is is on my mind all the time. If the meds don't work and I quit. I go suddenly manic. I need to disassociate, at least right now. I have learned people will nod there heads at what you tell them like they understand and don't, so forget the stuff that you can't even share. Sick dark thoughts, just pop in there. Being able to express theories of life and struggle and love and pain in your head but not being able to remeber on your own everyday to take meds at certain times, Dr. Appts. that you wrote down and called the day before about, or even what day of the week it is. Which by the way doesn't even matter because it is just one more day of trying to fix my problems or take a course of action that makes them worse.
WHoa! I started out to be encouraging and guess got pissed along the way.
Anyways I can relate. I hope you wake up tomorrow and you feel totally normal.

Thanks for your replies..I am afraid that I *will* have a major anxiety attack when I go back to work...I really do.

Alicia, that sounds like a good plan except my damn husband will go apesh**. I know I should just do what's right for me and in the end I know I will but it's just a little harder with him not backing me up. Argh! BTW, I am presently on short term disability. I suppose I could try to go to long term...I've had it extended once already.

Scott, I certainly understand you're getting pissed off...this is SUCH a frustrating illness!!

Hi, Leah214!!!
I don't see things getting too much better if you and your husband can't get to a better place. This illness is hard enough without having the added stress of being in an abusive relationship.
Try to get him educated as to just what you (and he) are dealing with. Once he learns what the life of a Bipolar consists of, he may react differently.
If he shows no interest in becoming part of the solution rather than the problem, then perhaps you will be better off without him.
I know that sounds flip and easy to say, but I speak from personal experience.
I'm truly sorry for the hard time you are now going through. I hope your mood shifts to a happier one soon!!!
Take care!!!

I know I will be better off emotionally without him. The attorney I want to hire is very expensive though. She sounds really good and a friend used her for her divorce.

He shows no interest in learning about Bipolar. So I guess there's no hope for us.