I've been strange for like 4 or 5 weeks now. Started off very euphoric, then, and now its all mixed up. The shrink sees no need to see me, as I am not exceptionally high or low. No medication review either. I think the clinic is, idk, under resourced. The shrink seems to only be there reactively, and not proactively. I'm still seeing my care/co every week, but again unless my mood becomes extreme, I don't think that is going to last long. I'm sure to be discharged soon, even if still episodic. It seems like unless you are near crisis point, there isn't really a great deal. But this is a community clinic, whose aims are to keep people out of the hospital.
Idk, I'm tired, and I'm not. I have little motivation, but once I get up to do something, I have all this energy that idk what to do with. Then I'm tired for 10 minutes, and the process starts over again. I'm not suicidal, just weird. I worry a crash is coming, but every day I wake up and idk if that's happening at all. My behaviour is kind of saying yes (tired, unmotivated, apathetic, a little ruminating), but my head says no. I'm feeling I can challenge the world, and do so much if I just put my mind to it.
I'm going back to it, lol. I know it seems I have awareness and insight, but idk why I feel so weird. It would make sense if I was just depressed, but hypomanic too??? The more time moves on, the less clarity I am having. I am changing my name to "I don't know", lol. My care/co is coming in the morning. Idk what anybody can do, unless I fly or dive. And ofc, then it will all be too late.
My dad is ringing a lot. I have been no contact for approx 3 months now. i cannot answer as I know they will guilt and shame me about making them feel bad. This tactic usually works but I realized I cannot be held responsible for their feelings. Anyway I have realized dealing with complex PTSD I cannot have family in my corner as they are not helpful. Anyway this whole situation is bringing me...
I have had a parent who is a habitual liar and I have adopted the habit in my life and I want to stop. Even small things. I struggle with real and not real because of my schizophrenia too. My wife can't be with someone who has this issue because her dad had it too. I would understand if she wants to leave because I am still working on this issue but I wish we could solve it without her leaving...