Lately, I've been going up and down more then usual. I've been taking my medications and it almost seems as though I'm getting worse. But how can I be right? I mean I"m taking my meds and they are supposed to help me right? I've seen my Phsyc Doc and I have told him about how tired I've gotten but he seemed to just sluff it off. Before I even got on meds that seem to be helping, I told him everything b/c people told me to not hide anything. When I told him everything, he attempted to admit me b/c I self injure. Now, when I talk to him, I don't want to tell him that I still self injure b/c I cannot afford to be admitted. It's so frustrating though. Somedays I feel like I want to talk but yet I don't. I'm scared to tell anyone anything about me or what I'm going thru for fear of rejection or criticism. I'm trying really hard to try and understand this myself and I must say that some days. I just want to give up. I'm friends with my ex girlfriend and I know she's going through issues as well but just talking to someone helps. Lately it just seems that she's too busy to be there as my friend and listen. I just am so confused and the more confused I get, the more I just want to self injure and not even care what happens. I hate this. I hate crying for no reason. I hate trying to explain to other people what I'm going through. I just wish that for one day I could go with having a day where I feel happy all day. No ups, no downs, just normal. But I doubt it will ever happen. I feel like just giving up. *sigh* :(
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