So today is just one of those days... I feel no support from anyone, I just feel all alone and scared - just sheer and utter misery. Fighting with my boyfriend because I don't think he is supportive enough, he says if I want support - I shouldn't lash out. I think I lash out because I am not getting support.... Kinda a catch 22, you know the deal. I just wish I could make everyone around me feel what I go through on a day to day basis and how its not so easy to be. I feel like every thinks I want their sympathy when what I really want is their understanding. I just don't think they will ever get it - how it feels to be on top of the world one minute and then the next, the only thing keeping you from trying to kill yourself is the simple fact that you have already failed multiple times and you just don't want to have to go thru the legalities of the hearing to see if you are a harm to yourself and need to be hospitalized against your will. And then everyone thinks that just because you are on meds that all of a sudden this is suppose to be some miracle cure where you are all of a sudden "fixed" and shouldn't have these "bi-polar problems" anymore. I am so sick of all this, so sick of wondering why me, so sick of trying to make people understand - it's just one big circle that keeps going around and around. It friggin sucks.
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