3 am on my cell, sleeping pills wore off and I cant sleep. 2 more hrs and I can get up and start my day. Fuck it, time to rise without the sun. I choke down my pills so I can make it through the day. What a cocktail, you name it I got it, depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, anti- psychotic. 36 and fallen apart, this shouldnt be happening, to young for feeling like this. Make coffee so I can raise the blood pressure a little higher. Here comes the sun right on time its never late. I am already stressed out just by making coffee; I know what the day has in store for me. Pull it together with every sip of my coffee; feel like maybe I can make it. Click on the tv to see what has happened since yesterday, what should I make for dinner. Son wakes up and stagers to a chair next to me. Time to be dad, I can remember when he was little. Now all grown up and in the 6th grade, asks if I could pick him up from school today. Pore myself another cup, as I zone out and try to listen to him talk to me, I am sure it is important but my meds havent kicked in yet. Thinking about how my days going to start, he asks me if I am listening to him. Sorry babe, what did you say? You better hurry up and get dressed, and eat some breakfast. I never eat breakfast, didnt have any food in the house. Ahh, I can feel it now, thoughts are clearer more able to pay attention. I check the email, nothing new in the inbox, nobody fuckin cares anyway. Maybe I will apply for some jobs that dont pay for shit, maybe. What should I make for dinner tonight, meatloaf, or chicken? I dont remember what I dreamt about last night, I dont think I dream. Got to get a job soon, need to work so my wife doesnt have to hold us down with hers. My right big toe is numb, is it bad blood circulation? Every body in my family dies of heart disease. Hurry up! time to go, need to put your bike in the back of the truck.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...