I've been in "remission" of my illness for 15 months now and one thing I am grateful for is finding my sense of humor. I try my best to apply it when appropriate because staying in recovery is serious business. But I can't help making light of certain things to keep the strength and not surcumbing to my dual illness. What I don't get is why this seems to offend some of those who have been in recovery far longer that I. I can't relate to the doom and gloom of recovery ALL the time. I take this seriously...seriously I do...I just want to help and my way of helping is to bring a little sunshine in even when it's stormy and gray all around. I have emails sent to me saying not only am I not taking this seriously enough, but I am also teetering on the fence like humpty-dumpty and I am setting myself up for relapse. I just don't get it....am I stupid or what?!?! If "what"...tell me so I can understand, please!
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I don't know what is wrong with me! I am so sad and don't understand why. I don't remember much of this year and that is really frustrating to me. I know at one point I had friends but now I don't. I have no idea what happened with that but I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm just meant to be alone. So so sad and so incredibly alone. I don't know what to do or even how to feel.
I'm more apprehensive than anything. I know what to expect with the procedure but I have no clue how I'll respond to it. I understand how it's done but everyone responds differently to everything so where I have collected all kinds of information on ECT I have been unable to predict how my body's chemistry will react. I'll keep you posted. Oh and I feel a lot better!