know how that is... what meds do you take and practice practice practice blocking it out is all i can say.

Lots of people have self-esteem problems, not just BPs. Therapy would help, I think, since insecurity and various fears enter into low self-esteem. I rememer that when I was manic I had a high self-esteem problem!
So maybe depression makes us more vulnerable to low self-esteem. I've gone through this problem, sometimes not so bad and sometimes worse. We can learn about it and minimize the problems it brings to our lives.

Low self-esteem is generally correlated with the depression part of your cycle, i've never met any person with depression that didn't have bad self-esteem. but i don't know about the drinking and coming across as angry part, i am a pretty mellow drunk.

Paranoia in crowds! Definitely! I am convinced even as I sit here that my coworkers plot against me. I mean now that is something huh! it sounds stupid but it is true... They look at me funny, and whisper and a couple of times people have told me so and so was talking about me... that doesn't help at all!

Hi Porcha,
Sure, that goes along with the territory of bp life for many of us. I know that when I feel lows particularly, that I struggle with that to a certain degree. Then the highs are another challenge to keep that ego in check ;) Here is an article I just came across about self esteem you might find helpful:

http://bipolar.about.com/od/copingresources/a/lowselfesteem.htm

Sounds like there's two issues here - paranoia and self-esteem. Depression can cause low self-esteem and bp in general can cause paranoia. Meds and therapy can help with both. I suffer the same problems and that's the approach I'm using.

Hi, porcha!!!!
It sounds like part of what you are suffering is social anxiety!!
Therapy can be very helpful for that!!! I had some very good therapy, many years ago, and it really helped me to feel better about myself!!
I still suffer from low self esteem sometimes, depending on my mood and the circumstances, but the big difference is that now, if and when it happens, I realize that it's a 'false' feeling and know that I will soon feel much better about myself!!!
Lots of people, both BP and non BP, use alcohol to escape from whatever they are feeling. You CAN learn to feel better about yourself without resorting to alcohol!!!
Take care and good luck!!!

I always have had a low self esteem. My mom tells me that when I was little she could never reassure me enough or make me feel equal to others... When I hit my teenage years I could fly off the handle really easy, esp when I was being pushed emotionally... I have spent alot of time in counseling talking about it. The anger I have learned to control. But when I add too much alchohol to myself I get the "cocky little bitch" syndrome sometimes and sometimes I get really quiet and in a dark mood. So I have to be careful..
This just my opinion but I think alot of BP's and probably others too, struggle with esteem issues because we have had to go thru so much and have dealt with so many peoples "opinions and judgement" Not to mention everything else...

thankyou for the replies. I hear Tizzy about the work thing I was the same way. I am the type that is very revenge full and has caused me alot of grief. In my manic stages I have landed myself in jail a few times. I am stable now and have been for about a year and a half only because I have been under my parents thumb. I live with my parents now but I am about to move out in Dec. and I am trrified to go back out on my own in fear that I might find myslf in a manic and do something dumb. I tend to drink to much at times and act crazy. I have a drinking problem that I can not kick. I do not drink much here because my parents control all I do. But all I can think about is when I move out how much I will be able to drink. I do not no what to do with myself. I also feel at times that I want to go off my med's they have made me gain like 20 ponds I hate that it relly bothers me alot and I think that I will keep gaining ever time the doc increases my dose is this the case with meds? Anyhow I am just talking because I need to talk tonight thankyou for listening.

I am thinking the paranoia i had as a result of the traumatic experience i went through is what categorized me for BP. I could not answer the front door, turned off my phone ringer, could not listen to phone messages, not look at papers nor touch papers, not open mail, not go to the computer.