Does anybody ever wish they were so manic they couldnt feel anything and nothing bothered them. They were just so happy. I wish I could be like that now. The pain of my husband leaving me and the kids and being in denial of his BP is killing me. All the cruel things he says and doesnt care how much it hurts is so hard. To know he is with someone so much younger kills me. All the lies cheating and the bancrupcy and he has never really felt bad about any of it. He is still not the same person at all. It's been 1 yr this week since he went manic and left me and 17yrs of marraige. I am BP too and lately have been thinking how can I get manic. I was never manic like he was. I was DX BP depressed. Not sure what that means. I just want to be like he was/is. Does this sound very selfish. I dont want to hurt anyone especially my kids but I dont want to hurt anymore either. I want to have fun and be happy and not care about anything. I have had to be put on more meds for the depression but I wonder if I go off my Lamictal what would happen? He went manic when they put him on Zoloft. There's a whole bottle here. I know this is all wrong. I just cant take all this anymore. I need to not care.
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