I'm having a hard time with something... I've learned so much about BP, and altough I was dx 2 years ago as having a "lighter" version, I dont know how correct the dx was. I feel like its not a "light" version afterall. I dont know if it has escalated, or if I'm just more aware of my behavior now. I dont know anymore. It's making me doubt my feelings and ideas. I'm really hating this shit right now. How can I go through life not trusting myself?? If I have an argument with someone, or actually ANY kind of emotional response, I question myself on whether my emotional response is appropriate. If I love someone very much, how can I be true to my feelings or act on my feelings like everyone else in the world does? I want to be natural, I want to be myself. But how can I without the fear of knowing that I might face ugly consequences? My only choices are: accept the possible consequnces, or just live numb to avoid any breakdowns.
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