Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

deleted_user
even when i was a child i was weird. i remember being twelve years old wanting to jump out of a three story window. and since i was eight i've been overdosing on stuff.
but tonight feels like one of those nights. one of those nights when i may not wake up tomorrow. i already took what little was left of my sleeping pills and more than a few of my anxiety pills. i just wish i had some jack to wash them down with.
it's not even like anything in perticular is wrong. i'm sure you people understand. i just get like this sometimes. like i don't want to live any more.
i try to do the family thing when they all come over. but each time i see them i feel more and more distant from them. and then there's times when my mom and i will be sitting on the porch talking about stupid shit and all i want to do is scream out HELP ME!!! but i can't ever get those words out of my head and to my mouth. and then i get mad at her for not being able to tell that i'm in pain. but how could she know? i never tell her anything.
before the main thing that kept me alive on nights like this was my belief that if you kill your self you go to hell. but last night i was chatting with a preacher and he said that as long as you are saved, you will go to heaven, even if you kill your self. i Really wish he hadn't told me that.
so i guess now the only thing keeping me alive is the fact that i haven;t writen my note. and, as a writter, your suicide note is your ultimate peice of writting.
by the time any of you reply to this i probally would have taken more pills.
but i'll leave it in your hands.
if anyone can give me a reason to live, i will. but it has to be a good reason. not the generict "you're so young. you'r life has just begone." or "you'll feel better tommorow" or any of that fake shit. i want REAL reasons why i should continue to live with this pain. this lonelyness, this craziness.
but tonight feels like one of those nights. one of those nights when i may not wake up tomorrow. i already took what little was left of my sleeping pills and more than a few of my anxiety pills. i just wish i had some jack to wash them down with.
it's not even like anything in perticular is wrong. i'm sure you people understand. i just get like this sometimes. like i don't want to live any more.
i try to do the family thing when they all come over. but each time i see them i feel more and more distant from them. and then there's times when my mom and i will be sitting on the porch talking about stupid shit and all i want to do is scream out HELP ME!!! but i can't ever get those words out of my head and to my mouth. and then i get mad at her for not being able to tell that i'm in pain. but how could she know? i never tell her anything.
before the main thing that kept me alive on nights like this was my belief that if you kill your self you go to hell. but last night i was chatting with a preacher and he said that as long as you are saved, you will go to heaven, even if you kill your self. i Really wish he hadn't told me that.
so i guess now the only thing keeping me alive is the fact that i haven;t writen my note. and, as a writter, your suicide note is your ultimate peice of writting.
by the time any of you reply to this i probally would have taken more pills.
but i'll leave it in your hands.
if anyone can give me a reason to live, i will. but it has to be a good reason. not the generict "you're so young. you'r life has just begone." or "you'll feel better tommorow" or any of that fake shit. i want REAL reasons why i should continue to live with this pain. this lonelyness, this craziness.
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Please stay long enough for me to know you. You leave this life with what you have. If you take all this darkness with you when you die it will be so much harder. Please find first the light that can be found despite the darkness. Then if you leave this life you can take that beautiful lesson with you no matter what is in store for us in the life to come. Hold strong sister, I am here.
Can tell you, if you fuck up killing yourself you'll be trapped in a useless body, or worse, in a coma and trapped in your mind with NO way out and no choices.... shit if you think its hellish not think about THAT
Can also tell you I've tried once, and talked about it a whole lot more
the one time I tried I didn't say shit... so eithet you really don't want to, or you need attention
Either way, I am gonna go down swinging... fuck the quitting bullshit, I am over that. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and the ultimate in selfishness and an I give up attitude.
So even when i feel like shit, I think about what happens if I fuck it up and end up trapped in my head for god knows how long
peace out... hope you hang in