I say use to, because I finally see where it leads too and now I hate it and do not want any more. I have pushed it to the brink, my marriage is hanging by thread and at this point she is talking seperation, like as soon as I get a job and can afford to move out. Friendships have been strained and damaged. Hospitalizations, and doing horrible shit to my body and with other people. I am sick of it. It always seems to creep back in somehow. It has been 20 years of this shit. Why do we self destruct until things are teetering on the edge or even fall off? Then a week later when stable it is all like a bad dream. We feel good and everyone around us feels like shit. What the hell?
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