Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Well I couldent have possibly tell everyone here but I quit smokeing pot last week after 10 years. I had held out for 5 days ..i was so proud of myself. I really was. But everyday was so painful ..my heart beat 1000 miles a minute , panic attacks back to back , bad headaches and uncontrolable crying spells. So friday Saturday I woke up and immediately felt suicidal .Ive only felt like that one time and spent 6 days in Pshyc and vowed I would never go back. It was 5 AM and I was curled in a ball holding on to my bible and screaming. Billy woke up and helped calm my beast. He took off on work that day, so now his check will be $100.00 dollars short. He asked where my Ativan was and I told him I ran out. He couldent believe it because I never run out early. I didnt put 2 and 2 toghether and while the 5 days I was getting sober I was takeing about 5 Ativan a day (really fucking dumb) ..so the day went on and things went ok untill about 5 O'clock ..than something in my head just snapped ! I flipped out and we got in a huge argument. He left the house to walk it off and I got in the the car frantic and drove to my mothers house. I was still shackeing and crying ..ao I asked her for a bottle of wine. I havent drank in 2 years and wanted to get wasted. I sat in our room all night with the door locked with a bottle of trazadone and a bottle of Merlot. I got on DS and Dobie was on ..she talked me down from a really scarey place. I was so insane that night ..i really almost did it. I love you Doobie !! I went to sleep and woke up with a really bad headache and very ashamed of myself. I immediately started talking about him yelling at me the night before. It started all over again ..I went nuts again .. i cut my arm 3 times. Not deep ...just a couple of scrathches. The day went downhill quickly .. I just couldent take it ..chest pains , awful guilt and shame. I hated my self .. I talked to my mom again and she asked me why I was so crazy and If I took any Ativan ..I told her I was out and she freaked . She told me that I was being like this was because I was going thru withdrawl from the pills. She was right ..it hit me ..I was psyco from a damn narcotic pill addiction. So then I told her to send my step father to go get me weed (dont ask why he gets me weed ..lol) But I fucked up again and smoked !! I really fucking blew it this weekend ..drank and smoked. I am so dissapointed and discusted with my self. I dont see Pdoc untill after the holiday. Did anyone of you totally screw up your life in 1 weekend like I did ?
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
You were just trying to cope. So you did somethings you feel bad about but please give yourself a break. No one's perfect and you were going thru not only withdrawal from pot but from Ativan too! Take a minute to consider how difficult that is....you did the best you could under the circumstances and you are STILL a GOOD person! You have not screwed up your life...you just did the best you could under the circumstances. I'm glad you talked to people..
I am not supposed to be drinking but guess what? I still do from time to time, even to the point where I got sick last weekend (I went to a party). I did have some guilt but what could I do? It was a done deal--can't take it back now.
You will be okay...I think you'd try to do too much too soon. I hope you can get more Ativan and take as prescribed...and maybe you need to wean yourself off the pot slowly instead of cold turkey.
Love you sweetie!
xxxx
PS
I've been there with coccaine many years ago, but I didn't have anyone there for support.....so reach out hun, we all care about ya!
You move on KD. Don't look back. Fix what can be fixed and move on. Don't dwell in the guilt.
I quit smoking pot and had a couple days of withdrawals. The home grown I use to grow at home didn't have anything in it but THC and I had no trouble when I chose to stop smoking it. THC isn't such a big deal. What do you get from it anyhow.. and it only lasts about 15 minutes. What happens in the resin coats your lungs and stops the oxygen from reaching your brain so you get high along with the minor affects of THC. It's hogwash.
I know about the wine too. I like merlot and bought 2 litres at one time and drank it in 2 days. Yup I think I have a problem with that. Thank God I only buy any form of alcohol once a month.
It's a learning process. We seem to use stimulants and drugs to fill some empty place. Then our mind becomes the empty place and we're all phucked up.