god i hate being where you are at right now. No matter what you do, no matter what you say or try, its all worthless.

Yeah, I been there probably will be again, this damn bipolar shit brings out the best and worst in us.

And if you are like me, nothing I say positive in your state right now is gonna help.

that's ok, you posted, and it means somewhere, DEEP down, you know what is right, and what is best for you. Try and focus on that. Curl up in that small space in your mind that keeps you hanging on.

Do the little things, go outside and try to "feel" nature. Move from you bed (or your PC) to the couch. Read a book and get lost in it. little steps, not huge, just little ones till you pull through.

Much love for you, we got your back up in here

Peace out

When I'm sinking into a deep depression searching for a reason makes it worse. If there isn't an obvious reason to be depressed, I try to just accept that I'm in a depressive episode.
Being pregnant can make a "normal" person depressed for no reason.

I hope you feel better soon.

sickoflife- you are amazing. I'm reading this and thinking the next time I'm depressed (and there will be a next time) I want sickoflife to talk me through it.
You are wonderful. Wyldegirl - please listen to him, he knows from experience what he's talkiing about.

i'm sorry that you're hurting so much right now. i have definitely been there. it is so hard even to pick yourself up and get out when you're that depressed.

when i'm depressed i get so pissed when people say "take a walk in the sunshine" and stuff, but actually just getting up and getting dressed and doing SOMETHING can really help. in the meantime. until you get actual help (professionally).

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You can go so many differnt ways being pregnant with BP. Im sorry your depressed. DO you have to work while pregnant? If not do what I did. I pretty much allowed my self to be on bed rest... it was good for me. The other thing I did was I got myself a cute little friend. I chose a hairless rat that lived next to my bed and lived on my bed while I was a wake. She was my sole focus beside my health. My husband went for walks with me in the evenings and we talked about the baby and the good things... and even some of the what ifs about my depression and such. When I had the baby I decided not to breastfeed so that I could resume my meds ASAP. I actually had them started IN the hospital. I took lots of baths, and went window shopping for the baby. I found anything I could to focus my attention on that could give me some happiness. Its hard to be depressed looking at baby stuff. I didnt even have money to have a baby and I still went looking. If your used to being medicated and arent now that could be part of your problem.

Please find a way to allow your self to focus on nothing but you and finding things you can enjoy. A baby rat may not be for you but Im sure there is something.

BIg Hugs
Buggie

Thanks for that. But you wouldn't have my back if you saw what an ass I was in the pregnancy board last nigh when I felt so much like shit (still do). It was ugly and I'm sure I have many enemies right now. It was under "I had a miscarrage". I wish I could erase last night.

Thanks for the replies. I have a netherland dwarf rabbit, she's litter trained and roams the house like a dog or cat. She isn't very affectionate though, not sure why. I give her everything she wants including time. I've tried baby shopping. For some reason I don't get happy or relief from that. I was in Burlington Coat Factory's Baby Depot with my husband and felt so depressed after 20 minutes we just had to leave. I am not working, and that's one other reason I don't wake up until 2 most days.

in either state we swing to (depressed/manic) oops I mean that I swing to, I don't always make the brightest choices. That's part of who I am.

Beating the shit out of myself for my choices is also part of who I am. Difference for me is, I am learning how to use a wet noodle to beat myself up with instead of that big ass hammer I've always carried.

Bottom line is, sometimes this shit gets the better of us, but we gotta move on anydamn way. I know it sucks. If it really gets that bad for you, go to the hospital...for real

For now just follow your body it will tell you whats right for you and your baby. I chose my little rat (her picture is posted on my page her name is Fluffy and she is hairless) because if trained at a very young age they can be litter trained and VERY affectionant. She cuddled with me and cleaned me and would fall asleep being petted in my hands and loved to crawl intl my bra til thre was no more room... then she moved to the belly where they baby would kick her it was quite funny ;p

I would love a bunny that was house trained... did he/she ever chew up house wires? I knew a house bunny and they chewed wires a lot...

I actually cracked a small smile with that last post from sickoflife. You're kinda funny in the way you say things. It's a characteristic I wish I had, it helps.

At this point I'm considering going to the hospital. I've never done anything outside of a therapist or pdoc. I know if you go to the hospital they'll help you right away. Do you mean a normal hospital? What would they do?

Hey wyldgirl we all say stupid stuff sometimes when we are in a bad place, remember we love you and that also means forgiveness. So go forward and put it behind you cause you can't take it back, the best we can do is apologize and hope people find it in their hearts to understand.

Hmmm tough one about the hospital... I usually get my best care there. I got my dx there and I was put on the right medds there. I think I would try to go to a hospital that had a psyc ward and a health ward. That way they are equipt to hanfdle the depression and BP and still have medical care for you and the baby. DO you have any hospitals that have both? I would go into the psyc part with the security of the regular hospital. That is if you choose to go. And yes usually if you go they help you right away assuming there is a bed available

It isn't always pleasant when you go to a hospital for help. I have been so down I went to the emergency room and said if you let me leave here I am going to kill myself.

Got shackled and chained into the back of a sherrifs car and rode for two hours to the Psych hospital.

The end result was, I got on better meds, and felt much better. Even though I felt like crap about how I got help, it was there and I made it through.

Call you therapist or Pdoc first if you can, but NEVER be afraid to seek help at a hospital either

My sister got really depressed during her pregnancy, and she had to go into the hospital. It was really, really good for her. She has a healthy baby boy! Blessings to you.

I was in the hospital once when I was 14 for attempting suicide. They had me sit in trioge (sp?) and really didn't do anything. I got tired of sitting there so I just walked out. They had one of those things in my arm for "just in case" meds" but security didn't notice. I got outside and realized it was so cold and foggy I couldn't just GO. I walked back in and they abruptly strapped down my chest, ankles and legs. I stayed that way until morning when an ambulance came to bring me to a small mental clinic that would then look for a bed for me. They couldn't find a bed, so I went home with my parents ( the reason I attempted suicide) with no meds and no help. I didn't know if this experience counted and had forgotten it until now. My main fear is going into a place where I may not be able to leave for several days. I don't want my husband to see that.