Ok so tonight I see a light... I have a great doctor who has taken me under her wing. She is the biggest blessing that could have came into my life.... She is at the clinic across the street... She is great... She met with me this morning.. because of my tooth problem... well My face blew up like a balloon... I never experianced that much swelling with a wisdom tooth being pulled before... So I had a awful night and ran there this morning... She looked at it and I will take some antibiotics which I will start in the morning at her office. Then at 3 she wanted to meet with me one on one and get to know me better, I brought along my medical records that I had from the lawyer for my ssi disability case. She sat there and went through every single one of them papers... She really wants me to get the help I need... She honestly told me that she believes the reason for my head problem is because of my stress/anxiety/panic/bipolar.. Not being on the right medications... She seen how many times I was in and out of the ER this week and really wants to get to the bottom of it... It is the first glimps of hope I have seen since this whole thing started almost 2 weeks ago now. She really would like to spend as much time with me as she can until I can see the phsyc doctor when I come up on the waiting list. She is offering me services even though I don't have any medical coverage. As an advisor, someone to talk to, and try to start me on some medication until then that will help me. I spent about 2 hrs in her office this afternoon speaking with her about my entire life.. .She was really there to listen. You can not find many doctors that will do that. I made sure to thank her and tell he that too. My swelling has gone down in my tooth today also.... It feels a lot better. The pressure in my head is doing well at the time too. I keep trying to tell myself.. when it comes on... this is not real this is not real.. It is your mind making this happen... So far so good.... I believe the mind is a very powerful thing and can make u feel things that are not there. I know it may seem strange... But I really do think this is what is going on with me... I am very restless, anxious, worried, racing thoughts.... tonight I decided when I got to worked up that I would take a walk outside with my husband. I took my lorazepam and a bayer and now I am feeling great.... earlier today I was not doing to well... But I think after the talk.. It helped me alot... She even set me up another apt Monday to talk with her... She is a wonderful lady... I hope I can get my mind under control and stop thinking I am dying and that things are wrong with me. I just think so much is going on in my life.. stress etc.. that I feel like I am losing my mind half the time... Like really losing it.... I hope I can continue feeling better and more relaxed. I am going to try to find some place here where I can meet other people. I don't know anyone here since I moved.. I have no friends... and feel lonley alot.. I went from spending every day with friends to not having any here. It has been hard on me... I need to get into the community maybe go to church on Sunday to see what I can find to do. To keep myself busy... My pool is green..... That is how long It has been neglected since all this started... I will work on that... lol.. fun... I am hoping I wake up tomarrow as good as I feel now..... I pray... Thanks for all the continued support, hugs, and messages.... It really means alot to me from all of you.... You all are great friends and I am so glad I have you all in my life.... Many blessings to you all.... Melissa
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