So while I was in he hospital I resigned from my position as a teachers aid. My parents want me to focus on getting "better" and they said they will financially support me until such a time as I can get back to work or my ssi comes through.
I thought it was all gonna be ok, but m parents are really struggling financially to the point where my dad is considering leaving my mother.
My dilemma is, do i look for a job right now? I have a cousin who manages a store in a neighboring town. But I'm not even a month out of the and I am anxious just thinking about having to deal with people. I cant even deal with my own family. THey dont want me workig now, and my psoc doesnt want me working, but i feel horribly guilty that my minimal bills ($230/month) are a buden to my family. Im stressed now because they are stressed. I dont know what to do.
I have always dealt with severe anxiety. Now we are living in a nightmare and fear is consuming me. I dream fear, if I can sleep at all. My stomach hurts all the time, I shake uncontrollably, I have full blown panic attacks several times a day, and the list goes on and on. It feels like I will never know happiness again.
I feel like my triggers are affecting everything in my life. Spots on the carpet reminds me of the pool of blood on the floor. Black button up shirts remind me of how desperate I was to take mine off becaue I couldn't breathe and help wasn't getting there fast enough. When do the triggers stop seeping into my life and stealing pieces of me? I am undergoing EMDR, and my therapist is a blessing....