hi people. i just found this place yesterday because i am desperate for any clarity. i was very unsure of my diagnoses but after reading so much here and realizing how much i relate to almost everything, i'm most sure i do. but my point is, i came here because i feel awful. i have been so down for almost a month now. nothing seems to make me feel better. my pdoc wont give me antidepressants. I feel miserable. i shouldnt. i realize that. i have a great family but everything makes me fly off the wall in anger. i'm either flipping out or crying. getting out of bed is miserable. i dont want to do anything and i have responsibilitys. my hubby is doing everything and i almost dont care anymore. i give up. my constant thought is suicide. i do and i dont. i want to so much but i feel so guilty for my kids. my reasons to stay and my reasons to go. to stay because i'm selfish and i love them and to go because i love them and i know my hubby would find a normal stable wife once i'm gone to give my kids a much better life instead of a psycho who cant control my crazy moods. part of me thinks it would be the best gift ever for them to be gone. everything feels fuzzy and nobody i know understands. someone please...
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