I didn't know weather to post this here or in my journal. Because was afraid I would write to much. But after thinking about It I figured I needed to post it here. Because what if it went overlooked for a time and I needed answers now. I am worried about myself tonight. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am alone and that no one understands me. I sit in front of the mirror watching my eyes welt with tears as another streams down my face, wondering to myself why. Why is this happening to me. Have I done so many terrible things in my life that it is all comming back to me determined to take every last ounce of strength out of me before I lose my mind? Am I depressed yes, Why because of physical pain that I have been dealing with for a few months now. A pain that no one understands a pain that everyone thinks is in my mind that is not real. It is real to me and If It wasn't I don't understand how I would feel it. People have me confused. Like I don't know my body. Have I finally gotten to the point where I have lost scense with reality? I don't think so. I have never gone through this before. I don't think it is something that don't exist. Yet they put that in my mind. No one will listen. I don't know how much more of it I can take. I worry about myself tonight. I am afraid of death, I don't think I would ever kill myself but yet the thought keeps going in and out of my mind because I am tired of suffering. I just want to wake up being me again. I will even keep my illnesses. Just get rid of the physical pain. I feel like I am in a cloud most of the time, The pressure in my head is making me crazy. I have seeked help in several locations in ER rooms because I don't have the insurance. They don't listen. They are not there to try to explore something unless I am on my death bed. I am tired of not being listend to, being ignored, being left to suffer because I don't have insurance. I am a person. I have feelings and I can only take so much. I don't know what to do tonight. I feel like I am about to snap.
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