Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

feisty
I'm a big liar. I'm telling everyone I'm fine but I'm not. I'm cycling so rapidly that my head is spinning. The Depakote was working well for a while, but now, I was getting out, feeling motivated again, etc. Now..I'm isolating, having impulses, and last night at my BP group I spent the whole two hours vacillating between crying and laughing at nothing.
I was so embarrassed. Today I just want to hide. I don't want to tell my pdoc because I'm scared he'll change my meds and I'll gain weight. I know, it's stupid, but I have dealt with an eating disorder for 25 years. I'm such a fuck up. My therapist wanted to see me once a week, and my insurance won't cover it, so I'm left hanging with all this shit I need to get out and no place to put it. I don't know what's happening, but I'm afraid.
I was feeling so much better, and now...I have that constant dialogue in my head telling me that I'm stupid, ugly, wicked, bad, dirty, disgusting, etc... I need some tough love. Don't tell me to talk to my family, I can't.
I was so embarrassed. Today I just want to hide. I don't want to tell my pdoc because I'm scared he'll change my meds and I'll gain weight. I know, it's stupid, but I have dealt with an eating disorder for 25 years. I'm such a fuck up. My therapist wanted to see me once a week, and my insurance won't cover it, so I'm left hanging with all this shit I need to get out and no place to put it. I don't know what's happening, but I'm afraid.
I was feeling so much better, and now...I have that constant dialogue in my head telling me that I'm stupid, ugly, wicked, bad, dirty, disgusting, etc... I need some tough love. Don't tell me to talk to my family, I can't.
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You know you are none of those bad things !!!! That is just a negative dialog running thru you brain.The Pdoc will be very sensitive to your weight issues and can prescribe things that are maybe not as likely to cause weight gain.Hell Depakote is the #1 weight gain med out there.If you did fine on it you probably do not have much to worry about.I put on an enormous amt of weight in no time each time I was put on it. Call you Dr .You know where this all leads when you do not take care of it.Don't want to go there....right???? Call.
(((HUGS)))
bad wrong stupid selfish arrogant immature self-centered over-dramatic too sensitive repulsive ugly incompetent - did i say stupid?
up & down - delusions of grandeur - delusions of decreptitude.
been anorexic for 27 years - but whose counting. fat ugly obese disgusting bloated - me. that's me.
been there? i AM there - now. right there with you - & i KNOW it sucks.
HA! look - i even stole your thread - fucking self-centered idiot... me.
sorry
First of all, you are a vital part of this board. You have shared wisdom beyond your years that has helped many of us pull us out of our funks when we needed it. Thank you for that. It's worth more to me than you could ever know.
Secondly, be thankful you HAVE a BP group to attend. This board is the ONLY BP group I have. Why are you putting on an act for us and for your in person BP group? You know as well as I do that being open and honest is the only way we can get through this illness and help one another.
Finally, why the f*ck aren't you listening to your own advice? You already know what you need to do. And I know I have set aside my own issues on more than one occasion in order to offer help, comfort and advice to another one who needs it. If that is putting on an act, then I guess I am as guilty as you are.
This tough love was brought to you to help you get past the sh*t you are going through. You deserve better in your life, especially from yourself.
my best friend - most stable guy i knew (or thought i knew) - a fucking lifeline for all around him - myseld included & his schizophrenic sister - took his own life for fuck's sake! did he listem to his own advice? apparently not.
Second off- Get off your butt. Call your pdoc and talk about a med tweak. Chances are they'll just up your Depakote a little bit. This is not an all of nothing situation.
Don't worry about freaking out in a BP support group. Next time you go you'll probably get ten people telling you about the last time they lost it in public. We freak out- it's ok. If you'd had a choice you wouldn't have freaked out- thus, you didn't have a choice at that moment.
(((((hugs))))
Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are none of those things. You are a nice and caring person. I would call yor pdoc.
Please take care of yourself.
Is your doctor and/or your neurologist involved in your treatment? You need to look at that too because of your MS. I wouldn't be worried about getting fat but, I would be worried about it affecting your MS.
You have to do something ASAP! Oz said it best go easier on yourself! But most important take care of yourself.
One of my good friends and my sister had noticed I was starting to crash a couple weeks ago and were scared to say anything because they were worried about how I would react. This is so new to them that we had not discussed how to approach me.
I was thankful to my friend, and was glad she loved me enough to bring it up today, who knows how I would have reacted a week from now.
I gave her my husbands and sisters cell phone numbers in case THAT ever happens. (If she confronts me when I'm too far gone.) She doesn't live near, so she can't just come and take me to the doctor, it was scary to give her those numbers, but I'm glad I did.
Thanks for all the tough love. xoxo Jen