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I'm feeling crummy

deleted_user
deleted_user
I've been going through a tough time with my boyfriend lately. To explain it briefly: we lived together with an annoying roomie, I found receipts for a "happy ending" place in Vegas (to which he didn't receive more than a massage because he chickened out), I move out, we still hang out trying to patch things up, he swears undying love for me, I give the ultimatum for roomie to move out if I were to move back in, he agrees, changes his mind because he can't kick out his good buddy, I freak out, he leaves for the San Juans. So here I am....wondering if I am perhaps the stupidest girl for even giving him a second chance. It's been a month since I moved out. Why you ask I give him a second chance? Because I love him, we have so much fun together, he's beautiful, he's funny, he's smart. But it's all really boiling down to this: are we in the same spot in our lives? I want to buckle down...not get married...but get real serious in a relationship. Some of the things he does does not reflect that he is ready...but he says he is. My question...if you're still reading this (thank you) is there any hope for me? How do I know it's over? Everyone says "you're young and pretty, move on". This is really of no consolation to me. Should I keep seeing him and take things slow? Or seriously...am I being stupid? Any advice is needed badly. I'm so consumed with this right now...I need help. Feel free to comment on my journal entries if you like.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I dont have any words of wisdom or advice since my love life sucks. But I just wanted to say something
deleted_user
deleted_user
have you set down and told him where you are at and asked him if he is ready for a serious relationship, to me it dosen't sound like he is ready, just my opinion
deleted_user
deleted_user
You need to understand you've put him in a difficult position giving him that ultimatium.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Why can't you carry on the relationship, but live apart for a while. Maybe then you can tell if you are both on the same wave length. Being apart may help you with your decision...do you stay or do you go. I know it hurts, been there, done that. Write a list of what you want in a relationship and have him do the same...see where those answers go...in the same direction or not. Hope this helps somewhat!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree that i put him in a difficult situation. But we have a lot of things to work out...hows that going to happen with no privacy? The roomie was the source of 80% of our fights...why would I willingly put myself back into that situation? It's setting us up for failure.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It seems to me that you really love this man by the way you expressed yourself. Give it another shot, if you love him don't second guess it and try once more. if then you see it still isn't working, then gather all your courage and detach in a loving way.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I had a more interesting reply to your journal. I hope it helps
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hmm.. yes, but you said the roomie was his good buddy?
I know if my fella gave me that ultimatium... friends come first.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I get that it is a whopper to unload...but this guy has not been a good friend to my boy. I've heard horrible things that he's said about my baby. He's told people that he's gay, that he thinks he's an idiot...and he's let people sleep in our bed when we're gone. I'm not asking for my man to eliminate a friendship with roomie...i'm asking for privacy. Roomie i'm sure doesnt want to be there...just is so fucking lazy that he still kickin it. Gliderkate, i understand what you are saying...absolutely. It's just more complicated than that...even still I know it was a whopper to lay on him....but he fucked up in the first place...he keeps pretending he has all these cards to play.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i totally agree that you should come first if u are in a serious relationship?

are you serious? how long have u been togheter?

if you have been together a while, the roomie should get the boot, because you have to know that you come first, and if you dont, there are a lot of other fish in the sea who will put you first....sometimes you have to fight to be first in the beginning, but once they learn that you BETTER come first, they've usually got it for life....so man training in session maybe??

but if you two arent that serious then i understand the roomie coming first. you cant kick out a long time friend over some girl/guy that you dont know for sure about being with for the long haul. in that situation friends come first. then u can try having the relationship outside of living together until it gets more serious.

...hope that helpped?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah...we were majorly serious. We went through some major stuff with his mom being sick...and we've been together for nearly 2 years. It's no puppy love.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am gay and my partner broke up with me around the beginning of May. We still live together because we are buying the house. He has had sex with me for the last three night, now he decides to sleep on the couch. He thinks religion is going to turn him into a straight person. I don't believe it will happen. I love this guy with all my heart, which is probably too much. I feel your hurt. It sucks to be in love with someone that doesn't love you back. I don't know what to do about your situation or mine. All I know is that we are people with worth and things should get better someday. Hope you do start to feel better. It is crappy to feel bad most of the time. Life definitely is not fair or even close to it.

Steve.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree about the being together but being apart post. Best thing that happened to me and my hubby. We were engaged and he wasn't medicated yet. He went through a long depressed spell and decided he was no longer attracted to me (or anyone else for that matter). Anyway, I went about my way, working, and school and as time went by, he started realizing that he missed me tremendously in his life, even though we were still hanging out as good friends.

Sometimes, time apart is the best indicator of your relationship. You can really tell how much you miss/need/love someone when you realize you don't have them there all the time anymore or are risking losing them.

It was hard to move out of our house but in the end, we were much better off because of it. We were married not even a year after that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't think asking for privacy is too much to ask. He should want that too if he's serious. Are you sure he's as dedicated to this relationship as you are?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know Cathy...he says that he is...but he does/doesn't do things that would indicate that he's as dedicated as I am. I wish I could blame it on him not knowing what I want or need...but i've mapped it out for him...communicating my feelings has never been a problem....I just don't know if he hears me...or cares enough. My mom thinks that he may be overwhelmed with the amount of pressure that is on him to make things right again....maybe so.
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