I don't want to be bipolar. I am tired of feeling this way. I am tired of needing to figure out my meds. I am tired of trying to research and find more ways to cope with it. I am tired of trying to be responsible with it. I am tired of feeling depressed. I am tired of feeling like I want to be away from people and it becomes uncomfortable to interact. I am tired of the difference of depression and mania and how different they feel. I am tired of being confused. I am tired of making my friends worry over me. I am tired of putting my family through stress. I think when I was first diagnosed it was somewhat of a relief. I had an explanation to the actions I couldn't explain. Now with reading everything I think the severity of it is hitting me. I have very little choice in the matter of whether or not I want to be bipolar. On whether I want to live my life trying to control it so it doesn't control me. I haven't been on meds a year yet. Things went from hell to bad to seemingly good (a few ups and downs). It was fine for a while it seemed and then when stress came I almost feel as though the meds are no longer as effective. Does this mean if I take away my stress (which won't happen) it'll get better? Will this ever have an end?
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