I have a fiance, and together we have a beautiful 2 yr old son. He is a wonderful man. I love him more than anyone in the world. He has his flaws like anyone else, but that doesnt normaly bother me. Lord knows he has stuck by me through times when anyone and everyone else would have left me in a heart beat. And I love him even more for that. Here's the problem. We are supposed to get married in Sept. He still doesnt even kind of understand BPD or know anything about it. Nor has he tried to leard. When I am cycling (like now) which happens to be a lot right now I really hate him. Everything about him makes me want to leave. I can't even imagine getting married in sept. I don't understand my BPD yet, how the hell can I expect him to. I feel like this mariage is already doomed to fail because of the BPD. I fucking hate BPD right now and always. I know I am meant to marry him, but I also love him enough to want him to have a happy and functional life and wife. I'm scared I won't ever be able to provide that. AHHHHHHHHHHHHhh.
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