Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
It seems like a lot of people on here have a hard time seeing their pdocs, or getting them to listen to them. I hear people say they can't see their shrink for 1 month, or 3 months, or whatever, and when they do see them, they only get to see them for 15 minutes.
That's terrible, but sometimes I wish I had your problem, because I have the opposite problem!
My pdoc makes me come see her EVERY WEEK (and this is in addition to my therapist, who I see at least once a week). If I miss a session with her (like I did this week because of the snow), she freaks out and calls a million times (even though I called her and left her a message). Now she wants to reschedule. She calls me about once a week, even if we've met that week, just to check up on me. If I tell her about so much as ONE night of no-sleep, or one day of constant crying, she threatens hospitalization (good move- 'cause now I never tell her anything! Great way to build trust, eh?)
On one hand, it's nice to have her support, but frankly it kind of pisses me off because it makes me feel like she doesn't trust me at all. I get the fact that I just OD'd like 3 weeks ago, and my last major episode only ended in December....so I understand that while I feel like those things were years ago, they were actually quite recent. BUT- I have been seeing her every week for over a year, even when things were going fine. I keep asking her to see her less often, but she won't do it.
By the way, she is not some sort of expensive, private-care shrink. She is part of the school-health system, and since it is a public school, she is essentially part of a public clinic. I don't pay anything to see her. The thing that pisses me off even more than her insistence is that I know that her main concern (and therefore, her main client), is not ME, but the school's ass. The last thing she can have is a school-shooting or suicide on her hands, that would look terrible for the school (especially a school shooting). In her eyes, a grad student with BPI is (even one with a non-violent, sweet, and loving disposition :) ) a ticking time bomb (at least 2 of the most recent college shootings have been by grad students with BP). So I feel like she is making MY life hell just to cover her own ass.
I know that the university has a committee to review potentially dangerous students. The pdocs get together, along with administrators, to review the list of students who they are "watching" for signs of instability. I wouldn't be surprised if I am on that list. And THAT pisses me off. I would never, ever, EVER hurt anybody (even in a manic episode, I'd like to believe that we retain some basic primordial personality), and if I'm going to off myself, I'd like to do that on my own time and not be interfered with.
Ok, enough ranting! Thanks for listening...
That's terrible, but sometimes I wish I had your problem, because I have the opposite problem!
My pdoc makes me come see her EVERY WEEK (and this is in addition to my therapist, who I see at least once a week). If I miss a session with her (like I did this week because of the snow), she freaks out and calls a million times (even though I called her and left her a message). Now she wants to reschedule. She calls me about once a week, even if we've met that week, just to check up on me. If I tell her about so much as ONE night of no-sleep, or one day of constant crying, she threatens hospitalization (good move- 'cause now I never tell her anything! Great way to build trust, eh?)
On one hand, it's nice to have her support, but frankly it kind of pisses me off because it makes me feel like she doesn't trust me at all. I get the fact that I just OD'd like 3 weeks ago, and my last major episode only ended in December....so I understand that while I feel like those things were years ago, they were actually quite recent. BUT- I have been seeing her every week for over a year, even when things were going fine. I keep asking her to see her less often, but she won't do it.
By the way, she is not some sort of expensive, private-care shrink. She is part of the school-health system, and since it is a public school, she is essentially part of a public clinic. I don't pay anything to see her. The thing that pisses me off even more than her insistence is that I know that her main concern (and therefore, her main client), is not ME, but the school's ass. The last thing she can have is a school-shooting or suicide on her hands, that would look terrible for the school (especially a school shooting). In her eyes, a grad student with BPI is (even one with a non-violent, sweet, and loving disposition :) ) a ticking time bomb (at least 2 of the most recent college shootings have been by grad students with BP). So I feel like she is making MY life hell just to cover her own ass.
I know that the university has a committee to review potentially dangerous students. The pdocs get together, along with administrators, to review the list of students who they are "watching" for signs of instability. I wouldn't be surprised if I am on that list. And THAT pisses me off. I would never, ever, EVER hurt anybody (even in a manic episode, I'd like to believe that we retain some basic primordial personality), and if I'm going to off myself, I'd like to do that on my own time and not be interfered with.
Ok, enough ranting! Thanks for listening...
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In a situation like this, I ask myself how I would feel on the other end. For example, in your case, if I had another student attending the school or I was another teacher. With all that goes on in this world there are no guarantees and I respect that your doctor takes such a serious interest in you. I dont know if that makes any sense. I guess what I am trying to say is that we are all uncomfortable in some aspect of this illness but if the extra attention might keep you from hurting yourself or others, isnt it worth it in the long run?
Thanks for the perspective! :)
On the other hand,Its kinda cool that you get to see her once a week so if your meds are ever out of wack you can talk to her about it without having to jump through hoops waiting on a call back.That is sure frustrating sometimes.
Maybe you could let her know about how she is making you feel.After all they are the ones that are always trying to pick our brains about, how are we feeling today LOL!
Just a thought.Hope she eases up a bit.
If not tell her to take some X-lax and let that sh-- go.;)
Peace be with you,
Princess
When I had suicide attempts..the blurry time after ..it was punctuated by an increased ' watch' from the professionals.
Surely they know that the higher the frequency of appointments..the more the likelihood of you communicating yr latest woes ?
The other possibility is paranoia.
Look after yrself and try to limit the 'fascination' with school shootings etc.
Yr ace.
I even had to' fake 'stuff to stop myself being hospitalised.
The staff had a show of hands on whether to hospitalise me.It's tragically-funny.I won !! haha
So, I am not ridiculing in any way.It's so blurry and scary.
To be in a 24 hr state of fear is not doing yrself any favours.
I'd read all that stuff as a good thing that they are concerned.
Maybe you could somehow communicate these concerns to them.I am sure that they can detect yr intelligence beacon.You ARE in a tender place so be careful and rest too.
Aren't you being a bit paranoid re- concern about you being a loose cannon therefore potential mass killer?