He just probably needs a little reassurance.He sounds like a good guy and you are wise to work on your stuff before you get married.My hubby is great as well and I think sometimes at least with me I get so used to me being so needy that I forget he has needs too.He feels needy sometimes as well.This is just a guess but I bet he is just feeling a little insecure right now and needs a little extra reassurance.Don't be sad think how bad you would've felt if he would have said....whew thank god I don't really wanna marry you anyways.LOL(J/K)
You are doing the right thing getting your self together and he will respect and love you much more for that.

Thanks, Christih. I needed to hear that. you are right, he could have said WHEW! and he didn't. It just breaks my heart when I make him sad but I need to be honest.

I can't agree more with christi... I didn't work myself out before I got married, and three years later I am miserable, my husband is miserable, and we may end up splitting up because of it. I married him seven months before I planned to because I got scared of being alone, and he was only too happy about this because he was afraid, I think, the whole time that I wasn't serious anyway. What a mess!

It sounds like your boyfriend loves you very much, and it is normal to feel sad when you have doubts about your relationship... (believe me, I am going through this NOW!). I can't stress enough that taking your time is never wrong. Rushing is bad! Good luck to you.

Don't feel sad, what yousaid make a lot of sense. If you have any doubts, don't do it. Be proactive not reactive. Good luck

I'm really sorry, hun, but it's really good that you realize what's best for you and have decided to wait. I hope it works out for you two as well! Hang in there!

tell him that what the two of you have is special beyond the title of marriage. tell him that he's worth you being well for.

i felt the same as he does: that if my partner and i were to end, that i would not date again. i've held kept both the bargain, and the idea behind it: no one else begins to offer me what she did, and i will not settle for less, for the last year.

anyone know of any temple willing to train me as a monk so that i may take an official vow of celebacy?

You know... it doesnt take a peice of paper to be a long term couple. I think a lot of people seek marriage as a form of security that if things get rought they wont run. You can make a commitment to each other to stay with it as long as it takes and the day you get married is the day you choose to take his name. In the end if your are living together and you are commited and you see no one else and you share a life and money and bills and you dont divide everything and you live as one.... thats already a marriage of the heart. My husband have been married in heart for nearly 4 years now... from the day we took our first kiss. our wedding date is dec 13... this year will make it 1 year.

As for waiting or not waiting only you can say. If he loves you and is going to walk by your side he will do so with or with out a peice of paper and that journey will be no different.

I wanted a wedding because I have abandonment issues. I realize now that the paper makes no differance... Ultimately we got married when we did because of taxes... we were already together for life...

Ive been married 16yrs. the beauty of it is working it out together. knowing what ever stuff there is we will still be. Its like beening married lets us do it together. if i wasnt married and had a problem like i do cus im bp. i would leave.

Thanks for all of your insight. It is so important that my boyfriend and I get married... we are very traditional and have decided not to have sex until we are married... so in this case i think it is a lot more than a piece of paper. I know that this kind of thing is unheard of in this day and age, but we are saving ourselves for out special day. It gets REALLY hard sometimes, but because it means so much and we have gotten this far, we don't want to ruin it now. This is the Christian way, and that is the way we have decided to go about it. I know a lot of you will be like...WHAT?!?! We know each other so well now, when the day comes, it will be well worth it.

Being married is working on your stuff too! There isn't a time when you are perfect and I was married when I found out so I didn't have a choice. I think it is important to work on your stuff before you get married, but if you think yo uwill finish before you get married you got another thing coming to you :-)! Marriage is the hardest job a person can have. It is the best thing a person can have happen to them to. But It is a constantly growing learning fighting for a better life kind of thing. Gosh I think that I just garbled up what I was trying to say... oh well.

If you love him and he loves you then don't give up on that. You deserve a wonderful life. You deserve it as much as anyone else and just because you are going through a rough time that doesn't mean you ahve to give it up. It will be hard at times but it is for evryone. That is why divorce is on the rise. I don't think people get married as a security purpose but as a declaration before the world that this person is the person that you love and cherish and want to be with. My husband is perfectly healthy and went through a 2 year period of depression that he just came out of. It was hard on me but it was good for me too. TI helped me be stronger for him and to focus on something other than myself. Marriage is about being yourself along side another. So while I've been learning and growing about being BP I've taken time to myself to sort things out but that hasn't excluded him it's just been me by myself when I need to and me with him when I"m strong enough to be with him. I couldn't very well just leave him (I did think of it and try to plan it) but instead I with the help of a therapist created boundaries so that if I needed time to sort through something I could take it. It has helped our marriage and for the first time in 3 years I AM HAPPILY MARRIED AGAIN! WOO HOO!

Sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too. He's not ready for marriage but he loves you. He senses you wanted a more serious relationshp and he couldn't provide you with that... so he probably thought you wanted to go off and find someone who could give you what you need. He was all content and secure with you knowing you loved him enought to want to marry him. Now he's not so sure.
Sounds like he plays on your emotions and that he isn't as confident as he wants you to think.