I don't know how to deal with this illness. Everytime I think I'm on top and really on my way to happiness, I crash so hard. I don't feel good about myself. I hate everything about myself. The only reason I have kept myself alive is the pure love I have for my family. I would never want to cause them any pain and I want my baby nephews to know me. I want to watch them learn and grow. And it's really hard to live only for others. It's so sad when you don't have the confidence to really make life happen. I don't know who I am or why I am. I don't know anything anymore. I have been facing bi-polar for over five years now and I just don't know if I can deal with the suffering much longer. I need real help from people who understand me. All the couselors I've been too were idiots just looking for big bucks. They had no idea what I was feeling. And bless my parents they want to help so badly but have no clue how. And I don't know how they could help me either. It's so hard to feel so alone and worthless.
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