Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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I feel stuck

deleted_user
deleted_user
My father is 80.
Never was around for me when it was important, childhood etc.Never came to my graduation at Uni.
Stayed away from me when I was in hospital and the following time.
Now he wants to always pop round.
I've let him a few times and I've bit my lip.I've even been to some family functions with him.Bit my lip.Braved it.
BUT I don't know if I should try and forget the past and forgive...(Ideal yet hard)..or just tell him to fuck off.
He caused a lot of divisions in the past.
He's been sweet to my mom recently and she's forgiving him.I don't go over hers when he pops round.
The rest of my family hate him
So it'll just be me.
He could be a trigger.He IS.

Has anyone re-united with a parent that abandoned them when they needed them ? After all, in BP he was nowhere either for me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
.

Shed the old skin, you have grown a new one.

.
deleted_user
deleted_user
agreed #1 and #2.....didn't speak to a parent for 2 years, once..similiar grievances...and then forgave. No regrets...relationships can evolve.
deleted_user
deleted_user
human frailty etc
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mine's like..on and off fleetingly 21 years
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hear you, but I have no insights to share. Do what is right for you. What you can live with, what you can cope with. As I said I have no real insight on this pain, just wanted to let you know I care.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My parents divorced before I was born. I met my dad at age 15 and he was talking alot of crap about moms so I decided I didn't want to see him anymore. This was years before I was diagnosed with BP though. My mom was everything to me and he was shooting her down - JERK!! To this day I haven't seen him... Your case is different in that he is now elderly and doesn't have much longer to live. If mom forgave him there musta been a good reason for it (higher power etc.) maybe you should consider that too??
deleted_user
deleted_user
At least he's making the effort to pop around now and again. See if you can just have a cup of tea with him. If he does trigger you, then you politely ask him to give you a break.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I cooked for the bastard ! ha
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you want my opinion I think when he's gone you'll miss him even though he wasn't there for you when you needed him and you should take the chance now to spend time with him if you can. If it doesn't trigger you of course. You have to do what's best for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My mother was awful. I hated her for years. One day I forgave her. Still, I couldn't go around her much because it was too sad of a thing...knowing she was a smart talented woman who never forgave her family for their cruelties and she was always steeped in her own emptiness. I saw her when I felt like it and let the rest of the shit go.
deleted_user
deleted_user
forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. i have a family member i haven't spoken to in years. i can never forgive him for what he did. i've been told that in order to move on i would have to forgive. that's impossible for me. i'm not a good example to follow on anything but i do understand that you can be hurt so much it stays engraved on your heart. a reminder like a tombstone. it's that stone that will never allow me to forget. i hope u find peace for yourself...
deleted_user
deleted_user
BTW, thought of telling him how you feel? Decided ahead of time that whatever happens, happens. Maybe it'll give more depth to his sudden realization of his fragile life and make him stronger. Maybe you'll be closer to him. Or maybe he'll blow it all off and rationalize it and you'll still be stuck w/a lot of anger....but who knows unless you actually be brave and do it?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm sorry Pluck, I'm not sure what to say here. I was raised by my grandmother and never had any male figures in my life except my uncles and my grandmothers 2nd husband. I didn't have any problems with them, and they are all dead now. Sounds like your dad is trying to make things right before he dies. If this helps any, I think forgiveness is worth giving. When he's gone you'll be glad you forgave him and made friends. If you don't forgive him you may always wonder what it would have been like if you did forgive him. It sounds like a opportunity for a growth experience to me. You gotta decide if its right for you.
starfish
starfish
If he is suddenly wanting to reunite at his age, he may, consciously or subconsciously, be making his final ammends....you don't owe him anything, and you don't have to, but you probably should consider this as his and your last chance.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you for all the thoughtful replies.There's something that explains stuff in my journal.
I didn't want to show the journal here though.
Thanks xxx
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