I want to cry so bad because of the damage i cause over the years.In 2005 I met my wife and we fell for each other quickly.As a child i always used to lie about who i am to be accepted.I was never accepted by family or shitty friends.Those fuckers!!!!Well anyway i lied to my wife about who i was and how i feel about kids.I know lying is wrong but it got deeper and deeper.As time went on i had lots of episodes of me getting pissed off for no reason and making my wife worry.My patience for my step son went out the window, her family came around alot, and getting caught in my lies.I was warned not to marry because i was moving to fast and my Pastor suggested pre martial counceling but i wouldn't listen.I was in mania when i fell in love with my wife.I told her i love her in a week.3 months later moved in and 6 months later married.Pretty fast huh?To make a long story short in Jan 16 my wife gave birth to my first child. I notice my mood swings got worse cause at the time i did not know i was bp. I couldn't hold my little girl cause my patince is low.My step son is starting to become the biggest pain in the ASS!!hes 8yrs old.I have a brother in law that lives next door that has 10 FUCKING KIDS!! They not over all the time but his 2 youngest.Just recently bout 6 of his children came over and ate most of our food.our last at that!! It doesn't happen to often but it bothers me.For many years i wonder if something was wrong with me and it was finally pointed out to me by my wife. I'm a liar,self centered,always wanting to be alone,And very non social.We argued so much about my wrongs and it driving me the fuck crazy!!She expect me to have patience over night with our children and her family coming over all the time.Went not home we get along but when i'm at home i constanly remind her of my wrongs.Sometimes i say fuck this marriage and other time i say work it out.Top it of she don't trust me around the kids cause of my mania. And it hurt like hell.Should i be isolated or what?I love them but i don't want to cause anymore pain to them.I need some help sniff sniff : (
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