Ok let me sit down here and spill the beans about my life and few things before i get all sappy !! I left my wife becuz I thought I wasn't happy. I was really happy just not myself!! I left her and she was over me so fast it made my head spin!! She is a great person and a wonderful mother and someday I hope soon makes some guy really happy becasue I know she will never be with me again!! I have to somehow move on. I don't know how right now, BUT I took the biggest step of my life tonite and I would have never made it to RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW without you all. It was scary driving the 5 blocks to the ER no gas in my vehicle torential downpour and lighting and all that crap. I was embarrased to go in the door but you know ??? I thought about one thing and it made me open it !! The word i thought of is ME!! I thought of myself, is that selfish? I hope not becasue im not a selfish person!! I then realized and looked at my wrist and seen where I did touch myself with the knife(sorry JULIE) but it was before i started talking to anyone. That yeah, i blew it. I really blew it big time my friends!! Well unfortunately I waked in and was crying and there a short little lady and she asked me what waswrong and I say word for word" Im bipolar unmedicated and tried to kill myself and I m scared I am going to !! Talk about fucking feeling stupid!! How can a 39 year old man let a fucking stupid ass mental condition bring him to his knees!!?? I don't know but it did!! I went in and thye took my blood pressure which was of course threw the roof!! Go figure huh? Then I wait like 5 minutes and guess who walks in the fucking door? My kids family doctor someone who I was very familiar with and he was the one who put me on in the beginning zyprexa and lexapro and also before my divorce put me on ablifi which I never should have not taken!! DUMBASS ME!! SO he asked me if I ever took it andI explained everything this site my friends on here my sex life and everything Ive been thinking and feelng!! He asked me if I thought I oculd go home tonite and rest and feel that I wouldnt hurt myself and g othe dr tomorrow!! I said sure, the na diff nurse comes in and it was on of my ex's best friends!! She looked and basically luahged and I startedcrying the DR wasnt happy and Im sure she is DEEP DEEP shit!! So the dr asked me if I had someone to come home with me and I said yeah which Ireally didnt!! Anyway to make long story short I called my ex t otell her that Iwas in the er and she lauhged also!! Her exact words were nice dumbass!! So that is when I knew I hve to move on and get over her!! The doc put me on 100 mgs of seraquol!! So if any of you take this please help me understand it!! But i do feel better just drained right now!! Thanks to everyone for all your support!!! SORRY FOR ALL THE TYPOS BUT IM FEELING WIERD HEHEHE
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