My moods have been all over the place more than usual. I've been snappy and irritable with my bf and feel like he doesn't understand me, or isn't willing to try. I had to cancel my drs appt. last week and probably won't see my therapist (who said he'd call yesterday and didn't) or dr. until the new year (only 2 weeks away). I sometimes think this site will help, but sometimes I think its just making things worse. I feel like there are so many people out there that need help more than I do ... And I can't goof off and have fun because I'm feeling too down. I'm starting to feel the numbness of the new meds and it scares me. I know that that is what they are supposed to do, but I feel like I'm loosing myself. That all I have to be is despondent or euphoric, nothingness lies inbetween. I'm afraid to ask for help for fear I'll be shunned. I'm afraid that there's nothing wrong with me other than lack of coping skills. I don't know what to do. I was in such a good place this past Spring and now its been downhill since October. The last few days have been really weird, I know that the med. is starting to work and that's why but I feel very despondent right now ... just wanting to cease to exist, but too lazy to take my own life (I can't deal with the aftermath when I FAIL again.) I'm so sick of feeling this way and feel as though it will be with me for the rest of my life. I thought I was on the other side a few days ago, but now I'm back again. Now I've talked too much, I'll post this and go away and check my email alerts later ....
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