I woke up this morning with heaviness on my chest, I began to think what what occur if something were to happen to me. I am having intrusive thoughts over and over and over again.....maybe I could just take the rest of this medication, maybe I could see how this knife feels through my hand, seriously, wtf! I am sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I am extremely overwhelmed at work. All I want to do is sleep, but I cannot sleep at night, only a few hours during the day. As I lay there at night I envision myself having seizures over and over again and the same phrase that has been in my head for years repeats....death becomes me, beauty remains.... I am scared. I don't know what to do. My fiance and I are at each other more than usual because my OCD is out of control and I am unbearable to be around when I get depressed, irritable, and angry. I am exhausted. No matter what anyone or thing does for me I feel alone. I am tired. I can't go on like this, I really can't. I have been trying to hold on, trying to be positive, I have so many other factors to deal with right now....just trying to keep my weight stable, so I don't get hospitalized for that. I don't see it. I really don't. I just feel isolated and ALONE.
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