I am at work and I feel like I want to just end this pain. this should be a happy time for me I leave for a cruse friday after work. All I can thank about is runing away. one time I feelt if i just died my children would be better off with my husbend. now I feel I would be better off any where but in my life. there is not end to my situation any way I go some one get hurt. if I cant bring myself to make my dying husbend chuse between me and his son. I cant live with his son steeling the time I have left with my husbend. My husbend can not suport himself with out me one day he will not be able to take cair of himself with out me. I have realy good incurance if I were gone it would be like he hit the lotery. I need this time away from my life I just need to hold it together 5 days. thay seam so big. I have to go home and act as if every day. I am in so much pain I can bearly bear to breath. I am at work I have to make myself function. The money the life stile everything is on me weekness is not an option or luxuary I can aford. My husbend told me last night he didnt make me happy any more. that just kills me it has so little to do with him. I love him it is everything else. it is my ilness. it is not being able to be with him in peaces. sorry for the rant but if I dont say the truth to some one I will die.
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