Hi all, I didn't know Zany had started a thread for me until just now, I was too afraid to ask for help and I was afraid of triggering someone, so I didn't dare post. I try to be here for people, but now I feel like I have let everyone down on DS and in my life. It's been coming for weeks, you know, the depression that drags you down. I have had bad depressions before (since I guess I am BP2) and hypomania I guess they call it, but never at the same time. I am not sure if this is a "mixed episode" or what but I have both right now at the same time. I won't go into detail b/c I don't want to trigger, but I have been having some bad passing thoughts about letting go of the pain, and at the same time I can't sleep, sit still, focus at work, stop my mind from racing, etc, etc, having memory lapses both when drinking or not drinking, not myself at all and the last few days its almost like there is another person in my head that I cant shut up or shut out. I am really scared because I am so out of control, never been this bad before, never had the voice. I am already on meds, I called pdoc today, she never called me back. I am in a total panic, have any of you ever felt like this? I don't want to trigger anyone, I am just scared that I will never get control back, really scared. I am afraid pdoc will make me go to hospital, I have never been before, that is what really scares me the most. I am sorry, I feel like I am letting all of you down by needing support.
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