Hi all, I didn't know Zany had started a thread for me until just now, I was too afraid to ask for help and I was afraid of triggering someone, so I didn't dare post. I try to be here for people, but now I feel like I have let everyone down on DS and in my life. It's been coming for weeks, you know, the depression that drags you down. I have had bad depressions before (since I guess I am BP2) and hypomania I guess they call it, but never at the same time. I am not sure if this is a "mixed episode" or what but I have both right now at the same time. I won't go into detail b/c I don't want to trigger, but I have been having some bad passing thoughts about letting go of the pain, and at the same time I can't sleep, sit still, focus at work, stop my mind from racing, etc, etc, having memory lapses both when drinking or not drinking, not myself at all and the last few days its almost like there is another person in my head that I cant shut up or shut out. I am really scared because I am so out of control, never been this bad before, never had the voice. I am already on meds, I called pdoc today, she never called me back. I am in a total panic, have any of you ever felt like this? I don't want to trigger anyone, I am just scared that I will never get control back, really scared. I am afraid pdoc will make me go to hospital, I have never been before, that is what really scares me the most. I am sorry, I feel like I am letting all of you down by needing support.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
I have my maxed amount of epidural shots of my cervical DDD....(and no one cares about my lumbar DDD)..... I've done physical therapy, muscle relaxers, Amitriptyline, Nortryptiline, desipramine.....narcotics... So I decided to go to a spine specialist and they have me on Gabapentin. Its been two weeks and it did nothing for my lumbar ever... but it did seem to help my cervical and arm/hand pain...