My heart just aches today.. the sadness is overwhelming.. I feel as if I am gonna break..im serious.. it physically hurts..i dont like myself, and feel unloved and unlovable..I keep on trying to hide it.. but it is slowly starting to burst from me.. the tears.. my heart is just hurting so bad..I have such a horrible memory, I have been trying so hard to bring back happy memories.. but the only memories I have been able to get into my head (and unable to get out) are memories of my rape.. memories of my baby girl dying in my arms.. memories of my daddy dying..horrible memories.. cant get them to stop.. memories of horrible things I did while manic and psychotic.. I knew this was gonna happen.. I have been UP for about 3 days now.. and here is the crash.. falling so hard.. please catch me..
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