My fiance and I split up. I have been a wreck. I let someone I thought was a friend visit me on saturday and we ended up having sex. I feel so disgusting and ashamed. I feel so taken advantage of. I ended up getting drunk that night, he was still here. I had friends over and it got ugly. Everyone was fighting. I told the guy I hooked up with to leave he got in my face and scared me. he left. I felt so alone I took an entire bottle of xanax. By the grace of god I woke up Sunday night only to find my poor dog neglected and all my responsibilities as well. I ate, took care of my pup then went back to bed. Today is Monday. I cleaned my whole house and cannot calm down. The sight of myself makes me sick. I am disgusted. I love my fiance so much even tho we aren't together. How could I screw someone else? Let alone such a shitty person. I thought I had changed, yet I am the same. I feel so empty. So lost. I can't even talk to anyone. I can't explain how I feel. I wish I never woke up. I am so scared. I have tried to call my friends noone is home. I dont know what to do. I just want this pain to go away
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