I had a fight with my dad. He came to pick up Nathan for the weekend and. . .I know I haven't kept up with the house like I should but I have been having a real hard time getting things done. I get the energy to start working on it and keep finding her stuff. I have gone threw everything once and thought I had boxed everything up but it keeps happening and I am just not dealing with it well. I don't want to live in this house anymore.. . anyway, dad got here and had to wait on Nathan. I sat down in my kitchen and I heard him say I don't know how you live like this. Let me explain my dad a little, he is good man but an ass too. He was the first Drill Sergent at Ft Sill. He was a career soldier and retired as a high ranked officer. . . I was going to ignore his statment because I don't feel good. I was thinking to myself You think Im living, I think Im just waiting to die. Then he says it again louder. I stood up and told him, "you know what, I don't need this right now. will you please go." I went to Nathans room and told him that if he wanted to go with papa he needed to go now. My dad started saying something about me being angry. I wasn't angry yet. I told him I cant do this now will you just leave. He says well your not throwing me out of this house. . . earlyer He asked if I needed any money and said he wanted to help. I told him I had a bill I needed to pay and he had given me a check. . . when he said that I tried to hand the check back to him and I told him I don't need this right now and I sure don't need your money. He wouldn't take the check so I tore it up. Since he said he wasn't leaving I said fine we will leave and I told nathan to get in my truck. Dad says well Im taking Nathan with me. I said "BULL SHIT" picked up Cyndi and went to my truck. He starts yelling at me and you let your anger do this to the kids. I didn't say a word I just got in the truck and drove around the block, thank god he was gone when I got back. I mean WTF. I feel like such an ass. I hate this.
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