Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Like an idiot, I contacted my ex from 15 years ago about a month ago. We have been talking, among other things, and all of my feelings for him have come back. On top of that, I'm in an 11 year relationship. And to add to that, my ex was my first true love, and those of you who have been there, know what I'm talking about. It is like borderline obsession, the feelings never go away, and never will anyone else meet up to his standards. The problem is, I was not his first true love, if he has ever had one, so things are complicated now and I feel like I have to play stupid avoidance games to get a reaction from him.
Point blank, I am 32 and too old to deal with this crap, but of course my feelings for ex keep me coming back for more of the wondering, waiting, and hurting. I have put myself in the stupidest position possible, going into it thinking "everything will be fine, i'm strong now, it's been a long time". Well, it's not working out that way and he is leading me in one direction one day and another the next. I have only had the strength to resist contacting him for one day, that was yesterday. I emailed him today, and he responded, and so of course I responded back. Why can't I just stop? It's like an addiction. Am I really feeling love for him, or is just lust combined with my own addiction to drama. It's like spending a weekend with him makes up for all the other long hours of agony, wondering if he's thinking the same and all that, when I know he's probably not. I am on ly feeding his ego and giving him the attention he so desperately seems to need, and getting nothing in return. God give me the strength to control myself and rid my life of this burden once and for all!!!!
Point blank, I am 32 and too old to deal with this crap, but of course my feelings for ex keep me coming back for more of the wondering, waiting, and hurting. I have put myself in the stupidest position possible, going into it thinking "everything will be fine, i'm strong now, it's been a long time". Well, it's not working out that way and he is leading me in one direction one day and another the next. I have only had the strength to resist contacting him for one day, that was yesterday. I emailed him today, and he responded, and so of course I responded back. Why can't I just stop? It's like an addiction. Am I really feeling love for him, or is just lust combined with my own addiction to drama. It's like spending a weekend with him makes up for all the other long hours of agony, wondering if he's thinking the same and all that, when I know he's probably not. I am on ly feeding his ego and giving him the attention he so desperately seems to need, and getting nothing in return. God give me the strength to control myself and rid my life of this burden once and for all!!!!
-
I don't feel well. Like--physically. Ive been dealing with nearly constant nausea for the last...month (I think?).I know my transplant medications can cause nausea, but its never been this bad before. The other day I had toast for breakfast, thinking that wouldn't upset my stomach and was still naseous afterwards. Ive been trying to ignore it, or deal with it with gum or mints. But that isn't...
-
I know what you mean about first love. Then add obsession, maybe addiction, jonesing: you never get too old for that. He is giving you mixed messages though, so you know he should be on the curb.
he not good new if hes giveing mix messages and knows ur engaged..thats not rite for him to do
Sounds like first love isn't giving you what you need either.
Time to look at the old self-esteem?
I have always thought the bit about loving yourself was a bit of a load, but I can't run or hide from it anymore. Wish I would have got down to dealing with it when I was your age and before I married anyone.
So, someone here told me, find one thing to like about yourself today and build on that. Then learn to love and have compassion for yourself, and to esteem and value yourself. If we have to go outside ourselves for these things, we are always perilously at the mercy of others.
Maybe you should also think about what you want and need in a relationship, because we do go forward in life as we work on ourselves.
HUGS-christi