Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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roseypeach 10/25/2007

I am so beside myself right now. My husband was into porn when I first met him, he had the occasional magazine under his bed. I wasn't alarmed by it at first because growing up in a house full of boys it wasn't new to me.

However, once we got serious and moved in together and got married, it started up again. Only this time it wasn't just magazines it was videos as well. We argued over this at length, and I explained to him I didn't like it or want it in my home and I felt inadequate when he looked at it. He stopped for a long time, but then last night I was watching tv and had gone to saved programs to restart something I was watching and I found an adult movie that he had been watching. I felt so violated. I waited and asked him about it and he lied and said he didn't watch it. Please! We are the only two people that live here! He insisted that he didn't know how it got there and got angry with me for questioning him. He finally admitted it but by then the damage was done. I hate being lied to and he knows it. I just feel so betrayed and annilated. He is supposed to be going over the road for his new job soon. I don't even know if I trust him to stay faithful now.

deleted_user 10/25/2007

I know you don't care for this stuff obviously. Talk to him and find out what it is that is so thrilling about it to him. A marriage is made up of compromise, some couples watch this together, others get ideas and try them out. This is okay as long as you both talk about it and both enjoy this. Watching porns does not necessarily mean he will cheat on you. I don't know all the issues you guys have obviously but please talk about this maybe you can work something out. Telling someone just outright no makes it more exciting more the forbidden so temptation is greater. Am by no means an expert but used to watch with the boyfriend for years and now he never watches at all. Yes we also got some great ideas from these too which made both of us happier in the end.

Shelly4 10/25/2007

Did you ever sit down with him and ask him why he is compelled to watch it when he has you? Is he bipolar? When I am in manic phase my sex drive is extremely high. If it is too much of a problem, maybe some councelling for the two of you would help. If it is just periodically maybe it really isnt a problem, he just enjoys it. I am not saying I like it. I have four boys living here with me though and trust me, they watch it. I think this is something you can work out.

deleted_user 10/25/2007

Oh boy, this is a touchy subject for me. I was with my ex 16 years and all that sounds SO familiar.
It started the same way with him...then came the internet, OMG..worse...then to strip joints, meeting people...well, you get the picture. Everyone warned me. I didn't listen because "he was such a great guy."
From my experience, if he doesn't agree to get help (see a therapist or go to Sex Addicts Anonymous, etc) then I would give an ultimatum. It can escilate. Seriously.
In the meantime talk to your therapist. This could be a huge trigger for you. Just like us having a disorder, he has one too and it needs to be dealt with or it will get worse.
I wish you all the best my dear!!!! HUGS!

deleted_user 10/25/2007

That same thing happened to me, but even worse, i know how terrible it feels,,Beleive me,,but i think there just Scared to admitt that they had done that,,when you calm down alittle, not that it was right, but its not that he is not a good person or to be trusted,,please beleive me,,,men do that,,but it does not mean they will cheat,,physically...my mind takes over and does what yours does, thats why i can Relate,,Totally,,,Men do there "alone" thing,,,like that,,, I hope i made u feel better and not worse,,if u need to talk,,,please,,I am HERE!!!!

deleted_user 10/25/2007

Sue Johanson talked about this very thing.

From what I remember she said that you will not be able to force guys to quit porn. Guys do not associate porn and masterbation as a replacement for sex. They do not think the girls in mags and videos are better than their partners. As long as it is not interfearing with your sex time together you need to turn a blind eye.

The same is true for guys who's partners look at porn and use a vibrator. The toy does is not a replacement for the person.

If you get Oxygen, watch Talk Sex with Sue Johanson. It is a very informative and at times funny program.

http://www.talksexwithsue.com/index2.html

deleted_user 10/25/2007

my ex did the same thing except he didn't try to hide it. he would get up in the middle of the night and do it while he took care of himself. i never understood that when he had the real thing layin in his bed. of course i don't look like the porn ladies. i hated it. i later found out it went a lot deeper than that when i caught him trying to watch my 13 year old daughter takin a shower. he was outside standing in a chair at the window like a perverted old man. he came close to dying that night. he was her step dad but makes it no less sick. the next day as i was leaving i gathered up all this porn, and he had a lot, put it in a box, poured lighter fluid on it and burned it. he had a big collection. i hope he burns like his porn did. one more thing i found out. i live in arkansas and there is no law against a man watchin a child thru a window like that. if he had been takin pictures then he would have been arrested. so the police could do nothing about it. what a f**ked up world we live in.

deleted_user 10/25/2007

Oh patty so sorry he should be in jail, watching a child undress is sick.

roseypeach 10/25/2007

I don't know what to say. Thanks to all of you for your kind words. This isn't a case of porn and thats all. He is obsessed with it. At one time I tried to go along with it but it got so bad I couldn't do it anymore. I worry about how far he might go.

deleted_user 10/25/2007

That is a touchey subject. It should bother you more that he lied to you instead of just saying he liked watching it from time to time. It's a pretty harmless thing until taken to extremes; but I can understand your concern about trusting him now that he has lied to you. Sit down and talk it out, if you can. Don't bottle it up or it will explode out someday.

deleted_user 10/25/2007

Can you come to a meeting of the minds where he gives up the real hard stuff and you watch the softer stuff with him? I have just recently had this very same conversation when my eldest daugther called up in tears and told me her BF was watching porn. It's true that men and women view porn in a different way, it really isn't a substitute for you. However if he is truly obsessed and into child porn then you have a real problem that needs professional help.

deleted_user 10/25/2007

Please take these suggestions seriously. Porn can be an addiction. This is a trigger for me as I have been with 2 sex addicts and remained in denial for a long time.

deleted_user 10/25/2007

My hubby watched it until I was able to put a net nanny on the comp and seriously threaten with deadly divorce. Things have changed! Plus I have taken a few computer classes and he cant hide much from me now.

deleted_user 10/25/2007

I think that porn is totally healthy as long as it is not depicting harmful, hurtful images. However, when there is lying and deceit involved, it becomes a problem.

deleted_user 10/25/2007

I was addicted to porn and honestly rarely even paid attention to it. It doesn't mean he's going to cheat. If you see other evidence then that's something else, but it was a way to just past time for me. All men fantasize and you can't stop that. It's healthy until he acts on it.

roseypeach 10/27/2007

To all of you with the exception of a couple, thank you. I appreciate your advice and I will try to figure out a way to get him in counseling;its very difficult because of his work schedule. If I told you all everything I have put up with you would probably tell me to run for the hills. I'm not kidding. And for the record I am completely pissed off for being lied to about it. That is what made it so bad, that instead of facing up to it and talking to me about it, he chose the cowards way out. I don't know if he was truly worried of upsetting me or getting caught.

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