I wish I could help All I can say is that vent all you need to here. We will listen. I am lucky is all I can say.

I don't have a husband right now but have had a couple of them like yours, and I'm still doing it all on my own anyway, but without the aggravation and the extra burden. You just go right ahead and vent all you want cause I hear ya!

I recommend a couples counselor. He doesn't seem to be playing on the team. If you don't get this worked out, your resentments will build to the point that you will never be able to see him as a partner. Good luck to you!!!!

I just wonder if I should play the stupid one, LET them turn the heat off the electric and tell him "well I told ya I couldn't handle it all"
I dont want to do it all and I cant I just have my kids to take care of. They are 6 2.5 and 19 months so I have NO CHOICE but to do it. Its so dam hard and I just can handle it all.
I have always thought to myself, shoot I wonder if I would ever feel different about him when the smoke started to lift, and I wonder. I just feel like he does not have my best interest at heart, like I dont come before him. I have always thought he was selfious and this is him showing it again.
I mean what do you do when you keep telling someone over and over again and they just dont listen. I mean I dont want to leave him or anything like that by ANY means but I just cant deal with this crap anymore..

Couples Counseling. Anyone in the family that can give you a break during the week? You have way too much on your shoulders. Maybe you should sell your house...downsize...and get something more affordable. I know we all want the dream but sometimes the dream becomes a nightmare. Keep talking it out....

I just went to to a "Restorations" class last night, and what you are talking about is EXACTLY what the instructor said is a typical behavior of the Average American man. Bring home the bacon, that's it, and the rest is the wife's problem (and of course, the wife gets little to no emotional support, which is what SHE needs to keep going) This is written from a Christian point of view but here is what he said is the husband's responsibilies, what he is intended to do, and the wife's: (this is not totally exclusive of course, but a generality)

Husband:

Physical leader.

Spriritual leader.

(which the wife often has to take over because the husband doesn't do it),

Provider.

Protector.



Wife:

Companion. (needs emotional support, interaction)

Helper. (not main responsibility for duties)

Lifegiver/nurturer.

Creates beauty.

What has happened in our culture is, the man tends to just do his job, come home, and let the wife take care of everything else. Earning an income is what satisfies a man's basic needs for his own self esteem. And a man often thinks when he is satisfied, everyone else should be and is, too. Unfortunately, that is not what satisfies a woman's basic needs for self esteem. And women are getting depressed, stressed, and worn out, and families are falling apart and getting destroyed.


If he is working so many hours, and you are also working, it sounds like maybe you need to re evaluate your spending. Overworking to pay the bills will wear you both out.

couples counsling ....shoot I did that years ago when he screwed a waitress for 2 years and she called me. THAT was 7 years ago...I dont want to council... just want him to do it.....I found out I was pregnant with my 6 year old when she called me. So I dont want to talk anymore. It took us YEARS to fix it. Well the infidelity part. Now this is the me part. I feel like he has never taken care of me
hmmm maybe we do need couples counsling. Maybe he can do it on his 2 hrs a week off...:(

you are right about letting to power go off...he may fume, but he needs a bonk on the head to wake him up.

Couple's counseling is a good idea, but it will only work if you both are willing to do it. If he is unable/unwilling to acknowledge he needs to change, he won't budge.

One more thing that might help: I have a great book I really like called "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It tells you how and when to say "yes" and when to say "no" and why.

If your husband is not going to take care of you, YOU need to do it for yourself...and that may at some point mean seperation or even divorce. If there is any chance he could still be messing around, he is not only potentially putting his life and health on the line, but yours also. Not only HIV, but HPV is a very nasty and sometimes life-threatening virus, too. And you can get that one even with using a condom.

Consider an ultimatum, If he follows through, start rebuilding, if not, cancel his subscription. Sounds harsh, but you can only take so much.

Ummm... you have every right to bitch!
If I was your husband I'd seriously give some consideration to you... and be thankful you're doing what you're doing! HE is not doing enough! (Show him this post! It's from a guy!)
The fawkin' idiot should be thankfull that you're able to take up the slack!
GOOD FOR YOU! Now, BUTT-KICK your husband... just because I asked you.
VENT anytime, munchkin! You have every reason to!
Good luck!
Hang in!

well the reason we bought a house is becuase it was a bargain..for the price. Its gross but here in NY we were paying a fortune for rent and NO ONE is going to rent to 3 kids their ages. Iwas tired of the roaches and rats (so funny there was another post I said this on) so it was time to buy and move. We moved a bunch of times becuaser of rats and then waterbugs then i said enough. In suburbia you can hardly find a house rental that is cheaper than buysing one. I am in NY and we are actually serioulsy considering of leaving. Everyone is for this reason. Way too expensive. My property taxes are 5500 and THAT is a bargain you cant find anywhere. But if we live in the boroughs (and you dojnt want to send your kdis to school there) private school is 600 per kid!!!!PER MONTH It just seems like we cant make it here. And mu hubby does not get paid overtime WHICH STINKS if that were the case we would be RICH

He works 72hrs a week??

He is a NYC Chef and ANYONE who knows a Chefs life will understand. I keep saying I want to write a book called THE CHEFS WIFE, cause my life is a freking book.
YUP it is HORRIBLE

It sounds to me like he's checked out... and if that's the case there's nothing you can do. I'm sorry. You deserve better. Set your expectations, and be prepared to leave if he doesn't follow through. It's not helping your state of mind to be in a relationship with someone who's not giving their all to you. No one's perfect, but he needs to try. If he's not... move on. Otherwise you'll spend wasted years waiting.