Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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As a wife of a bipolar husband,I feel as if I am loosing the person I am. How do I remain supportive for him and my children and be the person I am on the inside? I have found that many choices I have made in life have been around him and not the choices I would have made if he did not have the disease... and I find myself always cleaning up the messes, suffering the consenquences of his actions and then I am expected to be supportive. Help, I am loosing my patience, inner strength and the person I am...
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This is a general message I am posting to all of the groups I belong to:I just thought back to when I first found DS soon after it first began and what a different life I had then. It is much better now, mainly because I have my own apartment as opposed to living in an old travel trailer in somebody's driveway. But even that could have been much worse than it was. I have been here now since...
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for me, in my mind, at the time that im being in whatever mood, or state of mind that im in that day, i dont realize what im doing until i can look back and actually notice the changes in my behaviors, reactions, states of mind, beliefs, and feelings, etc...
thats when i feel the worst because not only is it completely unsettling for me to not know who I really am, but then I worry so much about my husband leaving me, and getting fed up with me changing all of the time....and never knowing when im going to laugh or flip out...
i know that he loves me and wants to be there for me, but i know that at the same time its depressing for him, which is depressing for me.
i guess i dont really know what to tell you, but maybe giving you an idea of what may be in his mind helps? i know that for me telling these things to my husband is hard, and i wish that he could just be in my head and know all of the things that i feel for him, and all of the guilt that i feel etc...
but ive made a commitment to seek help, therapy, whatever, and he has also done the same...
that really helps for both of us. be in it together, not seperately. go to thereapy together, and also seperately, talk a lot, make sure you both stay actively involved in the disease that way you are both aware of it at all times, and then he can even be like "okay i guess im having a bp moment, im sorry".
i dont know what your relationship is like, but i can tell that you truely do love him since you are willing to do so much, and try so hard.
i dont know if i helpped, but i hope so. good luck:)
Do you have a friend or family member you can spend a day or weekend with once in a while?
If not, take advantage of alone time, or make it somehow - a hot bath, a walk to the park, library, or coffee shop.
Journaling helps me get my feelings out a great deal. On the paper, and out of my head.
You are right, I do need to put me first sometimes (even though I would feel guilty or selfish)... but then I fear the consenquence of going out...I even fear that if I were to attend church it would set him off and then the affects it would trickle down to our children... as it is my boys are afraid of churches due to my husbands psychosis last year.
Can I ask, do all you bp do the same things to your spouses.. try to control them (without intent)? Is it fear that you will loose your saftey net?
How can I do things with out it upsetting him or cause rifts in our life?
I tell my wife that when I am in a BP mood (rage, manic, hyper, sensitive, depressed, nervous, etc.), that anything I do or say - its all me and not her. Even though I say this it still hurts her so as she is so sensitive herself. She has never accepted this illness I have. She sees me as normal........
We BPs cannot explain what happens in our minds. The mind is messed up due to the illness, then on top of that it is affected by the meds we take to keep us even keeled. For me, anything may set off my anger but it is usually associated with sudden noise or stress. I cannot handle stress much anymore.
We cannot be made 'happy' by our spouse's love - in other words our BP condition is never going to go away with the love and support you give. It can be made better with their love. But we need the love and support so much in our lives.
Sometimes I tell my wife I must "isolate". Stress from the kids forces me to leave the room and go to our bedroom to decompress the boiling of my brain.
For me exercise is a must. Eating right and taking vitamins is also a must. But junk food tastes so good...
Heather
He says he has been depressed since his ex-wife moved out of state with his children (before we were married), but he seemed fine to me before.
It is hard for me to know if he is telling the truth and the depression has always been there and I didn't notice it because I was manic and consumed with myself or if he lost himself in me (like you said you feel is happening with you) and then the depression set in.
BP is a never ending monster. Even when you are fortunate enough to find a good therapist and medication that will stabilize you like I have, you are faced with the residual effects daily and the damage that you have already done to your life and the lives of those around you. I wish every day that he could know for just a moment what it is like to be me. To feel the mania and then to feel the deep, dark, sorrowful regret. The regret that hurts so much you can't even admit to anyone else that you did anything wrong. The regret that eats you up inside and out for days, months and years of your life. The regret that hangs with you even as you repeat the same behaviors over again the next time you are manic.
BP's do not get pleasure from hurting those around them and they do not do it intentionally. But, I know that I have destroyed pieces of my husband that I may never get back and I know that I will probably hurt him again at some point. I also know that a person can only take so much. Love can do a lot, his love has carried me for many years and has sustained me through many trials but I am sure that there have been times that he has wondered if my love was going to carry him through or if my love even existed. I know that it does. I know that it is stronger today than it has ever been but I also know that there are days that the BP is stronger and on those days all I can do is pray that he will have the strength to stick it out one more time because as independent and defiant as I seem when I am manic, I couldn't make it without him.