I'VE BEEN RIDING THE ROLLER COASTER MOSTLY ALL MY LIFE. SO MANY UPS AND DOWNS, UPS AND DOWNS, AND DOWNS AND DOWNS. I THOUGHT MY MANIA WAS UNDER CONTROL, THE PAST YEARS. WELL EVER SINCE I'VE BECAME DISABLED CAUSE BY MY SPINA BIFIDA, AND TETHERED SPINAL CORD AND THE FIBROMYALGIA ETC...
I BELEIVED THAT MY FAITH GREW STRONGER, AND IT HAS BUT LATELY I'VE QUESTIONING ALL OF IT. WHAT'S AMAZING I WENT FROM USING ALL THE HARD CORE BI-POLAR MEDICATIONS(LITHUM, ZYPREXA, TOPAMAX, ETC..)I'VE ALSO HAD ELECTRO SHOCK THERAPY TWICE, AND I'VE BEEN HOSPIALIZED SEVERAL TIMES. NONE OF THOSE THINGS SEEMED TO HELP. THE ONLY THING THAT MADE THINGS WORK FOR ME WAS, MY FAITH, BELIEVE IN THE BIG GUY IN THE SKY, I ALOUD HIM TO HELP AND HE DID, FOR THREE YEARS NOW , I'M NOT ON ANY MEDICATIONS FOR MY BI-POLAR. BUT NOW/TODAY, I FEEL LIKE I JUST BOUGHT THAT TICKET TO RIDE THE COASTER AGAIN. I'M NOT SURE WHAT I SHOULD DO. HERE'S ALITTLE SOMETHING I WROTE THAT DESCRIBES THE INNER ME.

i look in the mirror
what do isee
a lonely hearted person
starring back at me

i realize now
that i'm in dire need
for somebody to love me

but when will it be?

i know i'm still very young
and there's so many things
that need to be done

so i look around
what do i see
is nothing but emptyness
that is killing me

i'm hanging on by a thread
and all my hopes and dreams
are almost dead

it's almost time for me to leave

so i look around
once again
what do i see

that i'm finally free of the AGONY!!!

I WROTE A WHILE AGO, WHEN I WAS AT A VERY LOW POINT IN MY LIFE. MY LIFE HAS CHANGED SO DRASTICLY SINCE I BECAME DISABLED AND I'M NOT SURE IF WHAT I'M FEELING IS SELF PITY OR THAT I'M FEELING TRUE DEPRESSION. THANKS FOR LISTENING, MONIKA