I hate myself too. I feel worthless and meaningless. Just nothing. I think therapy is supposed to help you sort thru your feelings of guilt, and regret etc. I have yet to go. Do you go?

I consider myself a "stable" BP but am still plagued with days such as yours. The chattering monkeys go around and around in my head going as far back as childhood with things I wish I had never said and done. To help I think of this, imagine your life as a beautiful tapestry with both positive and negative threads running through it. If you start to pull out only the negative threads soon the whole tapestry falls apart. Humans are not always nice people. Chalk it up to life experience. At least you have a conscience as there are some terrible people in this world without. Finally try doing some volunteer work, you will always find people worse off than yourself and it's a way of giving back for the negative times in your life.

oh God, I lost 3 friends in the last 4 mo. Everyone knows, I am so sick of being like this. I have had this long enough to know you will feel better, and yes do get therapy. I don't really suffer from guilt like I used to as I accept that this is an illness and these are my symptoms. Just am very depressed right now. I work really at managing this illness, but it is CHRONIC and I do get discouraged. Really unmotivated right now. Hope you feel better soon. This is an ilness, it is not your fault.

I have that self hatred feeling sometimes too.It mostly comes from me re-hashing everthing Im ashamed of,These thoughts whirl over and over in my brain.Then the self hatred ,later self destructive thing happens.
I just asked my best friend the other day,"how do you forgive yourself and get over stuff?"She didnt really have an answer.
I obviously dont have that answer either and I wish I did.
I do attend therapy,It helps a bit,talking helps if you can muster it.
Good luck

It is a heartbreaking thing to repeatedly run into.I feel the heart behind your words and empathise.
All I can say is you have to keep trying and take the blows to your esteem.I found after a while that people's memory may not be as sharp as you think.They will say " Forget it " after a while.
If they have some respect for you and your battling illness, they will forgive you.Sometimes I had to apologise over and over till they realised that the illness blights our every move sometimes.
There were times I couldn't even remember what I had done.That's terrifying.

The strength that you will experience later may sweetly surprise you too.I cried out of guilt for feeling BETTER at one point.
Also, the friends and family will seek YOUR forgiveness at times when they realise, on occasion, that they have let YOU down.
You don't have to believe me.
It's just what happened to me when I least expected it.

When I get into that mind set ,of hateing myself...I go into a rage at myself..HOW STUPID I AM!!
I literally beat myself.

I discussed this with my Pdoc,rage is a powerful tool of hatred against ourselves...Pdoc has me do mental excersises ,about the GOOD I"ve done....and he changed my meds!

I am type one and really know what you are going through and can relate to what junggl describes too. For me it took the right doseage and combination of meds. The feelings thoughts and feelings you describe have simply gone away. Took me some time, several months, to get used to being "flat" until that went away. I seem to be one of the few in here who definitely does not miss hypomania.

i've lost some friends over being bi-polar, and every day of my life i feel especially guilty for the life my children have... i just try to do the best and realize that people still love you and there are people out there to help us...
i also do a lot of volunteer work with different organizations... it does help...

People are not what they do. What they do is a reflection or a reaction to their perception.

Whenver I feel like I've done wrong (and I've done a lot of wrong) which is really to say that I am not my ideal person, I look at how far I've come from where I was. If that doesn't work, I just remember what one tdoc said to me, "how many orphanges have you bombed today?" And that puts my actions into perspective.