First off I will be posting this here and in Personality disorders because lucky me has been diagnosed both bi-polar AND Borderline Personality disorder. My question is this...My whole adult life has been raising kids, so I never really thought much about relationship breakups. I knew I was the one breaking up. Now however, kids are grown and I am afraid of spending the rest of my life alone. I am only 43. That would be alot of years of aloneness. Old age runs in my family. Whenever I meet a nice guy, I either rule him out before ever even giving him the chance of a date with either "He's too good for me" or "I'm too crazy for him. He won't understand me and will leave anyway" Or I do meet them, go on a date and turn into Ms. Hyde. This big wall of defensiveness goes up. Or I start to get something going and the crazy insecure thoughts start rushing in my head and again Ms. Hyde appears. Or I pick them apart in my mind. I don't like their freckles, or hair, or voice, or...... How can I get over this?
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